Honey Nightmares

Third day in  a row of waking up from a nightmare.

In this one,  I had gone to my apartment to lock myself inside, only to find that my door frame was missing and so there was no way to do so. This, after I had ridden a bike around the Quarter seeing buskers on every corner and in every alley, all with cases full of money; in spots where I had previously never thought of playing, myself.

I was trying  to ride by my spot in the dream but kept getting trapped in places like coming to an alley with a staircase at the end of it, in the direction I needed to go, then carrying my bike up the stairs to find that there was a bar or pub at the upper level that was only accessible by the same staircase I had just scaled. Then, turning around to go back down, I encountered a group of people coming up the stairs and had to try to squeeze by them, holding a bike...

Just about every  detail of the dream, I could trace back to prior experiences, a lot of which I had dwelt upon (been tormented by the recollection of) the past few days...

Going off the  sardine diet, as I had done the week that I had been broke, coincided with the nightmares and the waking up heavily depressed each morning, but for only a few minutes; as if toxins in my bloodstream had been mobilized, maybe earmarked for elimination through my organs, but hitting my brain along the route.

I'm suspecting that  honey, or at least the brand that I have now, could be a neurotoxin to me.

I woke up,  initially, after maybe 5 hours of sleep and had the notion of trying to stay up, being only 'half' tired. I made a cup of coffee with some butter and enough honey to sweeten it and drank it while listening to the thunder of Tropical Storm Arthur outside my window, but soon tired enough, despite the java, to lay back down and have the most recent nightmare over the course of about 3 more hours..

Now, I'm waiting  for myself to become hungry again after finishing off the sourdough bread, which had seemed to contribute to brain fog, to the point where I would be looking around the place for where I'd put my coffee cup down, maybe to watch the lightning flashes out the window.

I'd bought the  bread during a drinking binge fueled trip to the store, congratulating myself after which for not having bought a box of Zebra Cakes, and rationalizing that bread, butter and honey had been a more sensible choice.

The alcohol consumption  is, I'm pretty convinced by now, the master controller over my decisions turning out to be good or bad. If I had no ambitions beyond being a useless drunk, then this wouldn't be so much of an issue.

I made a  deal with Nichole, my 'caseworker' (who embodies the 'support' in the Permanent Supportive Housing that I'd been offered by virtue of being a homeless veteran) that, if I fell off the wagon again, I would let her put me in an outpatient rehab program, covered by Medicaide..

That has woken  up in me a resolve to help myself, as I have done in the past, that had been faltering recently, particularly the times after my monthly 'retirement' funds have arrived.

And, come to  think of it; the nightmare of being pursued, then finding that the door frame was missing is relatable to that. Perhaps the sentiment that I can't lock myself inside and hide from the world with drugs and alcohol, but now, as per my agreement with Nichole, 'they' can barge in and take me away in a van for a couple weeks, if I do so. Although the hiding from the world aspect is debatable, as I am still able to roam the world, like an inebriated fool, on social media and even here, from the confines of my permanent house..

In probably about  3 or 4 hours, I'm going to feel hungry, and will respond by drinking water, until the hunger subsides, signaling that I'm burning up the glucose from my liver (or the glycogen, I'm not sure; I'm not Doctor Sten Ekberg...).

Given the mood  swings I'm having on this Tropical Storm Arthur Day, June, 18th, 2026; I'm sure I will change my mind about drinking alcohol along the walk to the store; but there is an equally good chance I'll change it back to not drinking before I get to their door.

I wish I  could take a big enough dose of LSD so that it would alter my brain chemistry and literally burn away my perception of "who I am," leaving just my higher self in its place. A self to whom it would never even occur to smoke off a vape or drink. Do I do those things? I don't think I do... I might then think.

Tinnitus Too?

The recent issues  with my laptop and hotspot (routed through a 'government' phone) and bluetooth connection to my stereo speakers cutting out randomly, along with a tinnitus that will start in one of my ears as if a switch had just been toggled, and then do things like jump to the other ear just as abruptly, before maybe going away for weeks at a time, combined with the fact that one of the wifi signals that pops up at the top of the list (being the strongest signal) of available signals after I turn on wifi is named "NSA," and began to appear a short time after I posted "I think 'delta variant' is just code for 'injured by the vaccine'" on Facebook, back in 2021; which also concurred with the readership of this blog going from 400 or so daily, to 12 to 16; has got me wondering about the 'free' government phone -shout out to Ed Snowden; and one of my biggest regrets is having drank away what I could have used on a new phone using a different carrier.

Meta AI told  me: "12 to 16 readers is good for a journal blog!"

Yeah, but what  happened to all the people who used to randomly land on it, by typing away like a million monkeys and searching for the exact phrase I entitled a blog post? I once made a post that almost 5,000 eyeballs landed on. But, I suppose 'they' fixed that little glitch, haha.

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"Decluttering" Needs To Be Added By Webster

Sunday, June 7,  2026 is in the books.

I watched about  12 hours(!) of Youtube stuff, slept about 8; and made a run to the food and water store. That just about chewed up the entire "Sun" day.

I was able  to soak up about 25 minutes of sunlight, as that orb was setting; giving me more of either the red or blue end of the spectrum -I forget which, and am not up to speed yet with jumping from here to an AI engine to ask it real quick..

3 hours of  the Youtube "watching" was taken up by the 'meditation' video that put me to sleep and then continued to beam certain frequencies into my brain; along with repeated affirmations, designed to hypnotize me, and plant the suggestion that I 'declutter' my mind, my environment and as a result, my life.

The irony of  using a 3 hour video as an aid to cutting down the time I spend watching videos is not lost on me.

And, to think  I haven't even checked out Instagram, X, Tik Tok or Substack...yet...

Not to mention  migrating to Rumble in order to ultimately find a community of people that some algorithm isn't hiding me from.

It's unfortunate to  be living in the era before the bugs have been worked out of the "humans using the Internet" continuum, at this point in time. 

Has it really been 15 years?

Back When I Wore Brown (left)

Looking back 50  years from now, how stupid will we seem for doing things like wearing masks and kneeling before statues of violent criminals who overdosed while being taken into custody; because of what we saw on the screens of our phones, all day, every day...?

Well, I haven't  been tinkering with this hobby much, lately -not so much the one of blogging, as of working on the Python script that decorates the rendered text.

I want to  see if the word "June" is going to be bold-faced in the first sentence, and how '12 hours(!)' will be interpreted.

The "end of  sentence" punctuation (!) will make the script think that the next character is the start of a new sentence. Will ')' be counted as a word, then? All proper nouns are to be in bold face. They are recognizable from their capitalization. So, all capitalized words not at the start of a sentence are bold faced. But, what if a sentence starts with a proper noun?

God help me  solve that coding problem! But, God as the second word of a sentence is bold faced; see (the conundrum)?

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Colors Find Me

Me And You Are Subject To The Jews Now And Then

https://youtu.be/WA8XH-u09Cg?si=T4hgb19LZfivyFRX

One Byte Over A Killo (Of Words)

Thursday morning and  I was up around 6 in the morning.

Harold had been  outside for about as long as I'd slept, maybe seven and a half hours...

I wanted to  go offer to let him in, but I also was intent upon completing The Morning Pages -three longhand pages of stream of consciousness, as prescribed by the "The Artist's Way" author, Julia Cameron. Harold has become rather rigid in a habit of immediately seeking my attention as soon as he's done eating. Immediately after eating, upon coming back inside, he will, while still licking his lips come over and dig his claws into the couch like he's stretching; and then jump up and lay on top of whatever I have next to me -a mirror loaded with cocaine, whatever- and he will have started meowing steadily, and then will press his butt against me, facing away, and continuing to meow, like he's not going to stop.

I know at  least two "cat people" who will say that he's "saying" "Scratch me" and that's where I would put my money, but I have a problem with him turning away from me, unless it has to do with the direction that my nails would scratch him in, perhaps it feels better to him to be scratched with the grain of his fir...

But, the whole  appeal of him as a pet is whatever intelligence he may have, which is seated in his head, which he's facing away from me.

I have previously  had to tell him to sleep, like when I'm trying to do the Wim Hof deep breathing method, and I had to pick him up and transport him to the next room, but I felt like I owed him some kind of explanation, so I said "I'm doing my breathing, Harold!, stretching the syllables of "breeeethiiiing..." out, kind of similating deep breathing, and I had gotten him to begrudgingly accept his full stomach and soft bed, without also being scratched.

I give him  credit, though, for an ability to change the tone and inflection of his meows. The "begrudging" tone is pretty distinct, but, if I persist in trying to ignore him, he'll start making his meows sound like "Harold" and I haven't been able to ignore that one, for the same intelligence that it hints might exist in him...

Not intelligent enough  to figure out that turning fully away from someone and pressing your butt against her is rude, maybe, but definitely able to change the tone of meows to convey things like "that feels good" or "that hurts" while being scratched.

I made harold  wait an extra 35 minutes to come in and did The Morning Pages.

I think Harold  is becoming more predictable in his habits is because I've been becoming more regular in my own, lately.

I feel like  I'm becoming a different person, or at least a different personality, due to perhaps the creatine monohydrate that I've been taking about 7 grams of every day for what is probably right around 6 months, now. I just saw an ad for some concoxtion of probiotics with cranberry extract and a few other ingredients, and the AI generated voice over (probably) was pretty adamant about how important it is to get a 6 month supply of the stuff. They cautioned that, as their company expands, there may be times when their warehouse has been temporarily cleaned out, by popular demand. And, it would be a shame if, just when your body is starting to respond to the stuff and real healing is on the horizon, you have to discontinue it while waiting for the supply chain to catch up, type of thing..

I think it  is because of marketing.

The amount of  people willing to venture $40 on some probiotic cranberry stuff is most likely huge, and they don't want to miss out on that "curiousness" driven demographic, even though they know that 6 months on the stuff will have a transformational impact.

I think that  is smart, especially if there is an immediately noticeable benefit by month three, that would prompt the individual to order more...

But, that made  me wonder about there being things that take six months to really kick in, and if it isn't the creatine monohydrate, more than the sardine fast, that has me feeling like a different person, or a third thing.

That would be  the "Introduction To Astral Projecting" videos that I've been watching more frequently, lately, and actually participating in them, by falling asleep while they emanated from speakers on each side of my head.

Astral projecting is  something I actually hadn't had pause to consider since I was in jail back in '92.

There was a  guy who was facing a double murder charge there, who was a fledgling practicioner of astral projection. He had a book on the subject, with fittingly cool art on the cover, and the guy was basically trying to leave his cell and walk the beaches of Guam every night. He was also on some kind of psych medications. Most likely the most intense that 1992 had to offer; suitable for the likes of a double murderer, type of thing..

My feeling on  the matter is, and was, that if you know you're trying to leave your body and travel places because you're stuck in prison for probably the rest of your life, and wouldn't have the faintest interest in that realm if free to roam and murder people two, by two...it's probably not going to work so well.

But, anyways, I'm  finally fixing my electric guitar, turning it back to a normal guitar from being a Frankenstein that had one bass guitar string slotted in with the rest. It made for some interesting inversions of chords providing unusual bass notes, but now it can become the more standard six string, like George Harrison played...

It's late afternoon.  I' about to do some kind of guided meditation, perhaps in order to meet my higher self on the astral plane. Jeez, wouldn't it be quite the coincidence if I run into that guy from jail up there, after just talking about him...?

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Here's To Your Health; Sardine Fast Resumes

This is Saturday  morning at around 9:45, and I have already run to the stores for coffee, distilled water and sardines..

3 large tins  of that storied, iconic fish.

There was a  Latino guy, about 18 years old, but maybe 15, stocking the shelves at the Ideal Market, right by the sardines, who attempted to help me select cans -probably so I would be out of his way sooner- by locating more of the kind I had picked out from the half dozen of so varieties they sell there.

Only the "La  Serena" brand in the "in chipotle sauce" and "in jalapeño" varieties don't have xanthan gum nor "thickener" listed as ingredients, so I was focusing on those. 

I have yet to research xanthan gum as a food additive, but I can already imagine Dr. Sten Ekberg -bald head and all- in a "I ate only sardines for 30 days, and here's what happened" video, which I imagine he has, if the sardine fast is worth its salt, cautioning his sardine-adventurers: "If the ingredients list mentions 'xanthan gum' or 'thickener,' you want to avoid it," type of thing.

And then going  on to say that xanthan gum is the same thing they use to boost the octane of Formula One racing fuel, or that they distill it from orangutan feces or something."

"...and does that  sound like something you want to put in your body?"

But, I was  trying to load up on the chipotle and minimize the jalepeño variety, but the kid had retrieved more of the latter from the maze of cans, and had offered to hand them to me. 

I didn't know  how to say: "If I just live off the jalepeño kind, I'll develop a burning irritation in my rectum, and I'll wind up having to shove a Q-tip up my asshole to scratch it..."

As a 2nd  year Spanish student, that was out of my league.

"Siri, how do  you say 'Q-tip' in Spanish?" type of thing...

Is Xanthan Gum Bad For You? 

Foods contain a very small amount of xanthan gum. In these small quantities, xanthan gum is not bad for you, and it’s considered safe to consume. It also doesn’t cause side effects for most people. -WebMD

I left there  with 2 cans of each, having rushed a bit to facilitate getting out of his way, lest he think I was intentionally trying to be a pain in his ass, standing there reading the fine print on 12 different cans.

Having run out  of food money a week ago, and then having lost the spotlight (again) that I use to illuminate the stage at the Lilly Pad -concurrent with Jacob being put out of commission by car troubles- put me in a position to conduct an experiment upon the box of food that comes, as if by magic, the third Thursday of every month, to each resident of Sacred Heart, who is over 60, from some charitable organization.

It is about  a one week supply of The Standard American Diet.

Having the proclivity  to be a conspiracy theorist, I have looked at the "senior food box" (as it is referred to by the residents) with a shadow under my eyes, so to speak.

First off, the  words of my late father come to me: There's nothing free in this world; you're going to pay one way or another, I paraphrase...

Second, I think  about the tacit implication that "a nigga's" food stamps have been kind of pre-calculated to have run out by the third Thursday of every month, and, isn't that interesting?

People who are  strangers to intermittent fasting might not view these last few days of every month as being divinely ordained as a time of fasting and prayer. Rather, they might have the notion that one has to eat 3 meals every day or starve to death..

"At least I  got this to eat," they might think, before going to work on the 3 pound brick of "process" cheese product. (See Dr. Sten Ekberg's video entitled something like: "This Ain't Even Cheese, Dog!" for more on the 'government cheese...').

There was a  guy who lived here named Lionell. He was known to really love the orange cheese. If you didn't want yours give it to Lionell, type of thing.

Lionell died of  some kind of cancer about 3 years ago. He was 57, I believe.

The way the  box got me was through the low-fat powdered milk. I added it to my coffee while ostensibly a couple days into a one week water-only fast. I figured I would remain in 'ketosis,' although the lactose in milk is technically a sugar, I believe Dr, Sten said..

But, after being  driven by demons to go out and get some alcohol on or about the 3rd day, with that being straight liquor (no carbs; though alcohol is technically a sugar, according to Dr. Sten) I was beset with the urge to cook one of the "spaghetti's" from the box, rationalizing that I was going to use a lot of extra virgin olive oil and/or real butter on the finished product. That would give my body a choice of fuels to burn, carbs or fats, the good kind of Omega-3 fats...

This led to  me waking up feeling depressed for the first time since before I started the sardine fast 5 weeks ago. It was just about 10 minutes of thinking that human beings were just animals, a baby step up from cockroaches in intelligence, and only through our self aggrandizement do we envision our consciousnesses as composing a dream in the Mind of an infinitely loving God, and that anything we do is eventually going to be reduced to minerals as we dissolve into irrelevance...like, how are we going to preserve the music of Gustav Mahler once the universe has collapsed upon itself and there is the next Big Bang? type of thing...

Performing the exercise  of thinking up "3 things that I'm grateful for" before stepping out of bed, was proof against this; and I felt back to my 'normal' self within 10 or 15 minutes; But I had had to induce the actual "feeling" of gratitude the way an actor might make herself shed tears by willfully thinking of sad things.

There is usually  a sense of: It's not going to work this time; but it did; and, by the time I had had a tablespoon of kratom with creatine monohydrate powder, I felt pretty good. Although squatting down to do certain chores, I noticed the stiffness in my knee joints, which had disappeared about a week into the sardine fast, threatening to encroach upon me...

A couple nights  later, it was the peanut butter, fully hydrogenated cottonseed and/or soy oil and all that I stirred into the crunchy rice cereal that comes in the box, in powdered milk, sprinkled with pure cocoa powder and cinnamon, creating chocolate cinnamon peanut butter crunch...that I pigged out on, like it was an addictive drug..

I concluded the  next morning that the peanut butter definitely gives the government cheese a run for its money, as far as bringing on inflammation and the kind of brain fog that can make one forget about a pot of water left to boil on the stove.

"My" eczema started  to come back, in the form of itchy skin on the scalp and face, after just two losing battles against the senior food box.

I'm not sure  if the CEO's of Big Food are in cahoots with Big Pharma and/or Big Medicine. I've heard it said that there is a 'you keep them sick, we'll make money treating them, you'll make money overcharging them for drugs, the insurance companies will be the money movers...just tell us what we need their life expectancy to be, so we can adjust their medications accordingly, to make it all work...keep up the good work, we're killing it this quarter!" types of conversations behind closed doors..

Not in this  country, though, I ultimately conclude.

Putin, Zelinski or  Xi (not Netanyahu, though, let me be perfectly clear on that..) might do their citizenry that way; like sending millions to their deaths -they would probably even bomb a girl's elementary school, the sociopaths!

Ukraine's population of  white Christian men may have been decimated, and are now being replaced by a diverse group of immigrants, for example...

But this is  the west, where patriots are valued like loyal beagles. There are no such evil machinations going on here.

It's ultimately the  same individuals holding the reigns of power. but they know better than to try to exploit the U.S. citizens.

This is the  land of free cheese! Come and get it, niggas!

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The General Overall Feeling of Wellbeing Meter

So, yeah...

20 years ago,  on this day, I would have been waking up to a digital alarm clock the size of a pager, and set for 5:12 a.m.

It would still  be dark and around 70 degrees, the morning of April 29th, 2006.

It would be  pretty quiet, with the morning birds still asleep, and the pond surrounded by what sounded like 250 bullfrogs, also having simmered down, by 5:12 a.m.

I would break  that silence with the 'phfkack!!' of an energy drink being opened.

That was the  closest thing to a ritual that I practiced. Taking a few gulps then getting on my bike to ride 2.7 miles to Workfoce quality temporary staffing. I would toss the empty in the same trash can at the marina. It was a 12 minute ride.

Getting there around  5:37 a.m. put me ahead of a contingent of workers who arrived by bus, from some poverty stricken part of town.

I worked all  5 weekdays, plus Saturday. The check I cashed every afternoon was for $49.62. So, I was taking "home" just shy of $300 every week, finding more than enough food in the Winn Dixie dumpster, to go on the fire, and really just spending money on alcohol and cigarettes.

It didn't take  long for me to be walking around with almost a thousand bucks in my pocket, amongst the good people of that upper middle class area, who might pity me for my homelessness.

But, all this  is to maybe put yesterday's post in some context.

I was thinking  that I might "recycle" posts, every 20 years, as in, going back 20 years and reading the post in hopes of jogging my memory. Then perhaps turning them into a "It Was 20 Years Ago, Today" type of sidebar; where the perspective gained over the past 20 years can be applied to some sort of commentary, informed by wisdom, type of thing.

I will say  that; the energy drink every morning with the high fructose corn syrup is one thing that I would tell myself of 20 years ago to eliminate. It gave me the glucose spike which got me through the 8 hours of laboring, after which I switched to the keto diet with red wine in the evening.

But I basically  cut out HFCS around 10 years ago; and it took a good 3 or 4 months before I just felt better all around. It took me from like an "83" to an "88" on the general overall feeling of wellbeing meter...

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"Invited To A Bash," A 20 Year Old Post Reworded

Brought Back to the present moment; this is where I was and what I was doing back exactly, sort of, 20 years ago.  

Yesterday, I was  dispatched via a demolition ticket from the Workforce Labor Pool to assist in the dismantling of a Holiday Inn, situated on the distant reaches of Jacksonville Beach.

We entered the  fray armed primarily with sledgehammers—formidable, masculine implements—which we swung with a certain reckless abandon, bashing away at the structure.

Among us were  several formidable laborers. One individual, known to his peers as "Cowboy" or "Wild-man," was entrusted with the stewardship of myself and a fellow worker. 

Nothing was to be spared, we were to swing the hammers as if possessed, and, there were some guys whacking desks and microwave ovens, mirrors, whatever... 

When the hammer  was in Cowboy’s own grip, he became possessed by a convulsive fervor, his movements so animated one might have supposed he harbored a profound personal vendetta against the establishment. 
In a phrase, I believe he was on meth..
He was, in other ways though, a singular inspiration. 
Accompanied by great heaving grunts and groans, he whirled and struck with such tempestuous rapidity that he was soon drenched in honest sweat, his countenance a vivid crimson as he doubled over, hands upon his knees, gasping for the very air he had exhaled in his fury.
I mean; can I meet his dealer?

I observed that  his blows frequently landed upon the very points least likely to yield. Had he possessed the foresight to turn an object upon its flank and strike a more vulnerable seam, he might have cleaved it in two; instead, he labored through twenty or more redundant strokes. Loath to offer criticism to such a whirlwind, I maintained a respectful distance—as, indeed, did everyone else—and allowed him to proceed with his industry.

I had to  sort of ruminate on the 120 year history, or whatever it was, of the famous Holiday Inn on Jacksonville Beach, before destroying it...
The ghosts and memories being symbolically thrown from a third floor window to a dumpster below..
More than a century of days and nights the inn had stood: the wedding celebrations, the famous people and other souls...

I felt a pang of nostalgia, wondering what secrets those walls might have whispered, had they the gift of speech.

Then, I grabbed  my sledgehammer and started bashing away.

The strains of  Peter Gabriel’s "Sledgehammer" were in my head, most of the day -a pretty good indication of the speed and rhythm I myself adhered to, when bashing...

I wound up (excuse the pun) with fifty-three dollars and some odd change.

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A Chance To Play With My Toy

I've gotten the  python3 script tweaked further, so that the text is a little smaller and the random pastel colors selected for each subsequent paragraph are ones that show up better against a dark background...

So, I'm blogging  just as much to play with my new toy, as anything else.. The alternate paragraphs (this one, for example) should be the inverse of the preceding one. So, if some shade of magenta is chosen for paragraph 1, then paragraph 2 should be its inverted shade of orange.

But, the code  I had written was inverting not only the color, but its "saturation" and "value," so that a nice bright magenta would be followed by an equally dim orange...

Now, the "bright  and pastel" aspect is maintained while the colors become inversions of each other, in pairs.

Meta AI has  been helpful, and Perplexity AI even more so.

It won't be  long before I come up with some idea that is going to make me wealthy...

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My Glitches Are Sketchy

Good, are we  on the same page??

Wow, I think  what I've learned is to put a drum beat on the stereo, first thing in the morning, and then open the audio studio and be ready to put some rhythm guitar part to it, on a wim..

Then, I can  jump over to the microphone and capture anything I might suddenly want to play over that beat. 

This might even be taken to the extreme of seeing something on Facebook, or somewhere, and expressing my thoughts about it in the form of a musical passage in the JiangNa style. That is what the beat is called that I've been playing over for a couple days, now..

[inserts JiangNa beat  research here...]

Jiangnan drum beats are characterized by a combination of powerful, rhythmic, and culturally rich percussion, often utilized in traditional performances to celebrate festivals, rituals, and artistic expressions, such as those performed by Wang Jianan in "Battle Drums" or within the context of Jiangnan sizhu instrumental music

There's a box  of macaroni and cheese in the front lobby. Right now it's like a shot of heroin, as far as how I'm representing it in my brain...

I could probably  put some cayenne pepper in it, and turn it into zesty macaroni and cheese..

The price would  be slightly itchy skin and/or scalp about 12 hours after ingesting; and redness of the skin wherever it was scratched, over the next couple days...

A couple days  ago, it was a fresh loaf of bread -a Whole Foods product, misshapen in form due to them not having used gums and other agents to make it sponge-like- in the pantry box on the corner of Rendon and I forget which cross street.

This kind of  bread, which has less than a dozen ingredients, when toasted and slathered in real butter, is not the worse thing someone who has had his sardine diet interrupted, could eat, in a pinch as it were..

But alongside the  loaf of bread in its tightly twistie-ed bag; was a cellophane sealed cupcake, in which you could see the chocolate chips even before you could read the front of...

Its first listed  ingredient: sugar. Right to the point, there...

I was given  a blessing in a form pretty symbolic of the "manna from heaven" of Old Testament lore, and, right beside it was a sugary cupcake, and that's not all; it gets drastically worse. For, one shelf down was a large Poptart box in which were 4 two-pack's of them.

Satan wasn't messing  around.

He might have  reasoned that I would grab the cupcake by insinuating that the "sugar" listed as the first ingredient was a healthier, Whole Foods brand, not harvested by slaves kind of "sugar" that wouldn't be so bad. And then The Deuce upped his anti: "with a strong cup of that coffee you just got from Trader Joe's!"

So, I grabbed  the cupcake, because of the coffee.

And then, like  the drug dealer who's selling bunk* the Father of Lies tried to rush me into a rash decision, pointing out the schoolchildren who were just starting to make their way to the school down the street. They would be walking past the pantry box and seeing the Poptarts. What is the life expectancy of a Poptart in a pantry box that 10 year olds are walking past?!

I only had  time for one thought: "Grab the Poptarts while you still can! Later, you can decide to put them back, if you change your mind after thinking about how sweet they would be with strong coffee, or something..." type of thing...

All this is  to say that, despite having gained a lot from the sardine-only diet, most notably the ""loss"" of cravings for anything other than sardines (I guess, once the body has converted its metabolism over to a fat burning system, it intuitively starts to associate sardines, not Poptarts, with "food") I should have just stopped at the loaf of bread, toasted and slathered with butter. But I made a Poptart and coffee junkie of myself. I can already sense the world distancing itself from me, subtly, but....

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No Beef With The Sardine Fast

I just got  back from the Ideal Market, where I encountered a lady who had about a 4 foot long sugar cane in her cart. I asked her if one boils, or grinds down such a thing.

"No, you just  peel it and suck on the inside. You've never eaten sugar cane?"

She was a  slightly rotund Latino looking woman about a half foot shorter than me and had a very dark skinned boy of about 4 or so -small enough to fit in a shopping cart along with a sugar cane, some bottled water; and the kind of sugar-water "orange juice" that that particular culture (that one in three of wind up with "diabetes") seem to like.

"No, but I've  had savillas before."

"Savillas have aloe  in them."

"Yeah"

"I guess I  know why they call it sugar 'cane,'" I said, making a gesture like holding a cane..

I got ground  beef to go with the sardine-only fast. This is allowed, due to a technicality.

Nutrition in the  21st century is more the art of what to avoid, then it is about the 'miracle' foods. Unless that "manna from heaven" comes in a sardine can...

I left my  phone to charge during the frolic to the Ideal Market and back.

Since my Firefox  browser crashed last week and I installed a Chrome browser, I've been pretty amazed at the behavior of that particular piece of software.

Had I not  known better, I might think that the "news" that is featured in that section of the search function is really news, and not propaganda. A monopoly on propaganda can be pretty convincing; jumping around to different platforms, seeing basically the same thing, then feeling like you are 'informed' because you have read "all the news," type of thing...

I have to  roll my eyes when people exclaim: "Don't you watch the news?!" along the way to explaining that

It's all the  same suspects, with the same transparent motives: just keeping people at odds with each other, instead of them.

He who controls  what comes over the phones that everyone in the world scrolls on all day, every day, has a lot of power. But this is primarily effective on the 'boomers' who might still believe the Warren Report, or that 8 million people voted in 2020 who had never before and haven't since, type of thing..

Better than when I was 50 (above)?

I had to  manually type things like: "Glen Greenwald," "Russell Brand," "Tucker Carlson," "Finkelstein," into the search box, to retrieve my trusted sources. While, to give the illusion of "balance," there were results for the kind of "right wing" news that trades in gossip and emotions. "Watch this politician's face when confronted with the truth," type of fluff...

And, still my  computer will shut off and go into reboot in the middle of some video that "I don't need to see," according to...?

Anyways; I've been  getting more accomplished and have less anxiety, almost zero depression, extra physical energy and I'm playing the guitar better than ever in my life (finally surpassed my 36 year old self who practiced the way marathon runners run every day) and, the sardine diet has been instrumental. I have more of a peripheral awareness; like I can put on a pot of water to boil, then go off and do something while waiting for it to do so, without being distracted by it until hearing the water that hasn't boiled out of the pan yet sizzling away and reminding me that I was making coffee, type of thing...

I'm 2 hours  from getting my retirement benefits, after a hellish month when I overdrew my account and was hit with charges, and had to start "in the hole." That should have freaked me out, but I am so slow to freak out these days, with all the gratitude and joy meditations, the sleep affirmations and the sardine fast..

Each one of  those 31 days of March, a new miracle happened.

Alyne 

and Mike, Lidgley

"..the moon was blue; and every crazy day brought something new to do."

One day, I  ran out of sardines. I went out for a walk, not doubting at all that I might just find a case of sardine cans sitting right along the way. It wasn't sardines, but a box of a dozen 'pea protein' energy drinks; which lasted just long enough for food stamp money to come in.
Another day, waking up in the afternoon, out of coffee; I had just nudged myself into a state of gratitude despite that situation when, out of my wallet fell one of the Starbucks gift cards that the LIdgley's have sent on various occasions like Christmas...
*I don't know why my pictures of them are rendering like this, without me showing. Probably a Google Chrome facial recognition bug designed to remove me from everywhere online, because I don't have TDS...?

On days when  I hadn't found something 'just sitting there,' Jacob would call wanting to busk, and we would split enough money to get me to the next day, the next manifestation, or we might just busk a second consecutive evening.

And then there  was one broke-ass day when someone called wanting to buy a tire that I'd listed about 6 months prior, on Facebook Marketplace. As I stood there thinking: I'd really like to go and get a couple cans and a bottle of red wine, but I don't have any money. And then thought: gratitude and joy for having life itself; and then the notification came in: "Do you still have the tire?"

I Have No Beef With The Sardine Fast

I've got some  ground beef in a skillet on the stove right now, which I'm getting mighty hungry for; but must do the Wim Hof deep breathing exercises on an empty stomach; as per Wim's wims; and so I must delay my gratification for about 35 minutes, during which I will be supping on the food of the gods, alkalizing my bloodstream, and manufacturing natural pharmaceuticals in my brain and body...

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40 Days (basically) Into The Sardine Fast

I had read, with some skepticism, things online about how the sardine diet can cause a squid to grow out of your head; but I figured it was trolls or whatever...

At first I was pretty calm, upon realizing that I had, in fact, a squid growing out of my head...

I was amazed by how unfazed I was about the squid; as, my brain really began to feel like it was repairing itself. Then, the squid started kind of melting into me, imparted some kind of intelligence into my mind as, time began to slow down, so that the ticking of my clock seemed like every ten days here, and I began to become lighter to the point where I felt like a cloud moving through anti-matter air; and I lived many lives as time dragged to a halt and I became nothing; and the only thing there was, full stop, was energy... and I became like half god, half squid in that moment; and became a very powerful, though sometimes downright angry looking, spiritual being -a portal to infinity! So just a heads up when you see me..

Sometimes I can't decide whether I'm more angry above, or to the left!
But I also can be a benevolent half squid/ half god.. 

I would say, in closing, and blogging as half god, half squid; have a good day everyone, and if this is indeed a side effect of the sardine fast, I tend to think it's a bonus..

>

How Do I Delete This? Kill It!!

Yeah; ""Ctl+a"" selects 

all of the blog post from the previous time; and then Ctl-k clears the screen so I can start typing in the day's thoughts...

I thought about:  why the letter "k" in conjunction with the Control key to delete all selected; and, while perhaps the letter "d" had already been assigned to "duplicate," and that might figure in, I believe it's connection to the human through her "intuition" being representative of the word "kill."

If you don't  have the manual for the Geany editor I use, you might be floundered by trying control+d only to notice that you have done something other than delete, say, yesterday's blog post.

Then, the code  writers figured, the user then should try the letter k, to kill the stuff highlighted on the screen.

I was just  thinking it's something like that which will be the bug in the AI realm that will be the undoing of mankind.

Control+d should have  been repurposed to delete; make disappear; demolish, even the text.

But, instead, I  give the command to kill it each time...

I went to  get 2 cans of sardines from Ideal Market, where I felt bad about being a 63 year old who finds the cashiers who work in there deligtful in their beauty who has not the impulse control not to show it.

They probably think  I am...I'm trying to think of that Spanish idiom for "crazy sardine man.." by now. Four weeks of 2 cans every day and, usually, nothing else to go with them...

Those poor young  ladies of various Latina persuasion, trapped behind those registers...nothing to do but gossip in between customers...

I thank God  in advance for a wonderful Latina about 20 years my junior, who's going to start going in there buying lot's of sardines..2 cans a day! A vibrant and healthy one with mental clarity who probably jogged to the store, and is a musician..

A pretty lady  who'd seen the same youtube videos as I about the keto and the carnivoire and the sardine diets; and had taken control of her life and is now looking for a like minded man, type of thing..

The day is  too beautiful to just sit and blog about it...(that might should be the new title of this blog..)

I

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