Having Been Braver Than Anyone Else

Crack And Kraft Mac And Cheese

Have weathered all kinds of temptations in the past week, I finally caved in to one, in the form of macaroni and cheese, last night.

I doctored it up with things like hot sauce, salt, black pepper and a hint of garlic powder, but it was macaroni and cheese. 99 cents per box at Walgreen's type of macaroni and cheese.

This at the end of a day when I had asked a guy who is often at the weed spot about crack, thinking that I might, after not having touched any in just about 10 years, get a 10 dollar piece of it, for something "totally different," perhaps, or to deal with the temptation to do something detrimental to myself, which seems to have crept up recently.

I stopped to look at and even read some of the wine bottles in the supermarket yesterday, when I was in the store to get and energy drink, bananas and a big canister of oats. I determined that one of the 3 for $10 bottles would probably be better than the competing label at that price.

I was only looking at the very cheapest wine, a sign that I was serious about drinking a bottle. If I was going to read a bottle, knowing that I wasn't going to buy it; I would have read the label of some $30 a bottle North Coast wine that might remind me of the Colombia River Valley.

I'm sure the poetry would have been better "subtle nudge of caramel on the nose," and I've always been fascinated by grapes grown at such a high latitude.

When I was in Washington, there were clumps upon clumps of blackberries growing along the Green River and just everywhere. A lot of the bushes were bare on their outsides, where they were easy to get to; but were bursting just past an arms length inside with berries so ripe they became dislodged with the slightest pull. I had found that, if I pressed myself into the bushes, so that the thorns were starting to rip my shirt and scratch me, I could reach a veritable feast of blackberries; having been braver than anyone else.

I didn't buy wine.

And, after having thought about doing "just one" hit of crack, I changed my mind after the guy told me that he could easily get 40 dollars worth, but that 10 dollars would not be worth his guy's while...
I didn't buy crack. "...just asking...It wasn't for me, anyways...."

I bought Kraft macaroni and cheese, on sale for 99 cents a box at Walgreen's. I bought 2 boxes. I guess I knew that I would want more than just one hit.

This morning, I woke up with the soreness in my back that I had always attributed to a combination of not having the right mattress, not having slept the right way and getting old.

That particular soreness had resided, and was further ebbing along with the improvement in global body health after the water fast and having eliminated corn from my diet.

I had my first itchy sensation of the scalp in the 5 weeks since the water only fast.

Conclusion: In general, macaroni and cheese is not good for me; which is a 99 cent a box shame. And it's the crack of food.

The jury is still out on wheat, as I had blocked it off my list after a slight headache -the only one since the completion of the fast, and as far as "the orange stuff" that comes in a packet and is probably intended to be the "cheese" referred to in the products name, I think I can cross that off the list of inexpensive things that I might live off of.

I don't feel as self destructive this (Thurs) day. 


Having had the first money making weekend in a while, I had been thinking that I could embark upon the trip to the north that I have been mentioning for the past year, but only just recently as a highly probable event. An appointment next Monday with health care people is keeping me here another week. It is to get me enrolled in a way and signed up and aware of what my Medicaid care is good for, if anything; and to get the ball rolling in having teeth replaced by dentures, before I have to start blending all foods and drinking them.