Sunday, June 17, 2018

Harold Hooked Up With 3.15 Pounds Of Food

Well, I just finished writing a pretty amusing post of maybe 4 thousand words only to see it vanish when my laptop, running on the battery after I unplugged it inside the Uxi Duxi and then moved it to one of the outside tables, automatically restarted itself, for no apparent reason.
The post was basically about how I had a second 24 dollar night, Saturday, having gotten to the Lilly Pad 45 minutes earlier than the previous night, then I talked about the older black skeezer who graciously moved to the other stoop when I arrived, and about how some of the older skeezers "get it" that Lilly's block is a racket for the well behaved skeezer, with a high pedigree of tourist.
I left the Uxi Duxi and then went to my new grocery store, the Winn-Dixie, across the street from the Rouses Market from where I had always unthinkingly gone in the past.
That store has been lucky for me, as I have found the Spider energy drinks there for half the price of every other energy drink under the sun, and one-third the price, if you're a Monster Energy drinker.

Harold Hooked Up

I was in the cat food aisle and lamenting over the fact that, while the Winn-Dixie is "all that an more" with regards to the Rouses, they didn't have Harold's favorite flavor of "Surf and Turf," dry food in the 2 dollar boxes.
For $5, though, I could get a little over 3 times as much.
Harold's food, like death and taxes, is an inevitable purchase for me, and since I had made 24 bucks the night before, I was considering buying the bigger bag.
And then, of course, for just 3 dollars more than that, I could get a ten pound bag, which had Massachusetts trip written all over it.
Another fly in the ointment was the fact that there was a brand new flavor, next to the Surf and Turf, which touted "gravy centers."

Harold loves gravy in any wet food form at all. It doesn't seem to matter if the flavor is turkey or fish or beef, if it is "in gravy," then Harold inhales it. It seemed a lock that Harold would love the "gravy centers," but a five dollar investment on a bag that he might not...

Up walked a heavyset older guy wearing a bikers vest who had long strands of gray hair coming out from under his hat and was sporting a patch over one eye.

"You got cats?" he asked.

"One," I said.

He handed me five dollars, saying "I have five of them!"

I started to stammer, the way recipients of charity will do, out of relief and gratitude, but tinged with a bit of shame over how I could have gotten myself into a situation in which I would accept the money.

I felt like the guy who asks for a cigarette and then after being given one will start to relate a sob story such as: "Yeah, this guy we worked for a couple days this week was supposed to pay us after he ran to the bank and did a couple other things, but he isn't answering his phone," type of stuff.

I was going to tell him, in reference to how I "hated" to take the money that I had unhesitatingly snatched from his hand, that I had been debating whether or not to spend five bucks on a bag of food that my cat might not like, but didn't get very far before he walked off, leaving me with a slight wave and smile that said: "You don't have to explain anything to me, I've got five of them!"

I went out and made 24 bucks Saturday night, matching Friday night's take.

It is now about 9:20 PM, Sunday night.

I missed another opportunity to go to Howard Westra's house for Berta's Sunday afternoon dinner. I'm thinking of writing the guy a letter to let him know I'm still thinking about him, even though Saturday nights have been leading to my staying up too late into the morning to think about trying to get over there on minimal sleep.

I have further broken the fast by having fried a bunch of potatoes in grape seed oil last night. Salt, pepper, powdered garlic and some packets of Taco Bell hot and mild sauces turned those spuds into a pretty appetizing meal...

2 comments:

  1. The fact that you "unhesitatingly snatched the money from his hand" would tell anyone you're well into skeezerdom, but at least you're not that guy who's taught his Catahoula Hound to lie on his back in a coffin-shaped box for the purpose of begging on Bourbon Street.

    I mean, there are skeezers and there are skeezers. The skeezers I like say "thank you", have neat signs or make some attempt to play a musical instrument, make those little roses out of palm leaves, something.

    The ones I hate: ask for *more* money after I just gave them money, act like my money's to be taken for granted or even owed them, make no attempt to at least be "trying" something, etc.

    At least you're banging away on a guitar and singing ... "singing?" .... er OK let's call it 'singing', and probably getting the lyrics right. You seem quite the aficionado of certain bands; The Grateful Dead and that Declan guy who wrote "Pump It Up" and went downhill from there, etc. You're not out there saying in a whining tone, "I really need a fix, mannnnnnnnn....." or telling people they can guess where they got their shoes at.

    If I were you, I'd come up with multiple "supporters" of Harold. Not just one druggie loser, but a few different people, who can make sure he is fed well enough at your place that he doesn't just take off for greener pastures. Maybe Bilal has a soft spot for cats (as Mohammad was reputed to)?

    If you really hustle your "traveling" story, you should be able to get to Massachusetts or wherever it is up there you're trying to get to, and back. People love a bum who's traveling. If you had a car, "gas jugging" is a thing, where you stop at gas stations and ask people for gas, not food or money Oh no, but gas to keep going. People are often putting gas on their cards and will pump an extra $5 or $10 worth into your tank.

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  2. Also, seriously, dude, I just don't get the ... rules ... of your diet.

    You might want to look into the keto diet, not because you need to lose weight but for the health benefits such as mental clarity, much decreased risk of heart attack or stroke (being skinny doesn't protect you!) and so on. Plus bacon and greens are good! You can eat "keto" in New Orleans easily, just peel the batter off of the oysters lol.

    I used to have a really fucked up diet too. I used to consider a bag of potato chips a meal when I was a teen or 20-something, used to guzzle root beer in the evening in place of, well, beer.

    In fact up until a bit over 2 weeks ago my diet was still fucked up in terms of what I ate/drank, because while eating the "keto" way, I was drinking a half a fifth of vodka a night to "get to sleep" and that was catching up to me. I had super high blood pressure for a good part of each 2-hour cycle.

    On the keto diet you'd not look much different (although skin conditions tend to improve and I'd swear I have less grey hairs) but you'd feel much better.

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