The Monday Right After Sunday

"Night Off Guilt"

Violence Solves Nothing

I was up pretty early in the morning, partly because I had not gone out and played the night before, but rather had wasted time staring at the clock and envisioning when I might get to the Lilly Pad "if I leave right now," and then frittering away time doing that, so that, as I stood there, the anxiety level rose as the clock ticked and it got worse.

But, I was up bright and early and actually full of enthusiasm for the day that was just beginning. But, then I smoked a bit of bud that Bobby had given me, which kind of caused me to "clam up" a bit and, of course, reach for my guitar to work on something while the inspiration was fresh, and I wound up focusing in on some little detail and not seeing the big picture, i.e. spending probably a half hour taking a phrase that I recorded from the NPR broadcast and making it repeat as a looping sample, but then trying to adjust the timing so that the phrase, which was already rhythmic, would fall exactly on "the beat," and be even more rhythmic. So, something that was only supposed to loop in the background wound up being the bulk of what I got done, one tree, no forest.
And then, as the weed started to wear off, I noticed that the afternoon was starting to slip away, and it was 3 PM before I actually got on my bike to go do what I wasn't what.

But, I knew I had to go to the Family Dollar to load the minimum 20 dollars on my green American Express Serve card out of the 22 dollars which was all the cash I had, and then turn around and buy a can of cat food off of it.

I also remembered that my lighter had died the night before, just another little thing portending the doom that I risk bringing to my doorstep whenever I don't go out to busk.

There is no point looking back. I sort of wanted to see if the issue of the skeezer that had come along Saturday night might resolve itself were I to go out.
I am, at least, going to put my pepper spray canister in my backpack.

I envision him coming along, seeing me, and then, with a goofy grin on his face, plopping himself down by the backpack that he stole a hat of mine out of.
I can always confront him with: "Did you take my hat the other night?!" and maybe use that as leverage in trying to run him off. Then it wouldn't be a "just because I don't like him" type of thing.

I originally thought that I would bring the pepper spray and a foot long piece of "rebar;" the heavy steel rods that are used to reinforce concrete, and then doing some kind of move where, after having asked him politely if he would please leave me alone at my spot, and after him having said something like: "Nope, I'm gonna sit here and sing all night!" and then grinned the goofy grin at me, I would reach up for my spotlight with my left hand that is holding the pepper spray, then bring both down to in front of his face, so the light would blind him for a second before I blinding him for more than a second with the capsicum, then coming around with the rebar and clocking him in the skull.

This would be after saying something like: "So, I've told you that I never make any money with people sitting around me, and yet you still insist upon sitting there for apparently no other reason than wanting to ruin my night?"

This is the Donald Trump version of a solution, with the compromise being that I might do the above, but after spraying him in the eyes, just rap the rebar against his head moderately tell him that I was going to crack his head open, but I didn't, but if he ever pulls that stunt again...
But if he were to, while yelling in pain from the pepper, say something like: "I'm gonna kill you!" then I'm not sure I would hold off on swinging the rod...

That would seem to be a giant step backwards for a guy who had been doing so well and starting to realize an improvement in his life from all the self help dialogue stuff.

The solution, which makes me nauseous to think about would be to try to befriend the guy, to talk to him respectfully and see if I could get him to understand my point of view, type of thing. What happens is that there is a certain personality type that gets offended if asked to leave under any circumstances. The challenge would be to disguise it so that that person doesn't feel like they are being asked to leave.

Maybe I could ask the guy if he would watch the spot for me "for a few minutes" while I run to a restroom, and then watch him from a distance for more than a few minutes, hoping he would decide that he doesn't want to sit there watching the spot all night just for me. Plus, I wouldn't be there to annoy with his loud, croaking singing, and so he might bore quickly.

Standing up while I play has always been something I've considered. I guess then, they would have to stand next to me and sing out of tune and might be too lazy and drunk to do that for long....

How would I like to be hit in the head with rebar??

One of the reasons I wanted to go out, especially if it was slow, was if I encountered the same skeezer, I wouldn't have as much to lose by calling it a night, after telling him: "Well, I guess if you're gonna sit here, I'm out of luck, I guess I won't be making any money for cat food tonight..." and then walking off with my head down. Eating "humble pie."
This might be the best way to get someone like him to decide that it isn't so much fun ruining my night -no tantrums, no anger, no losing my cool, me not coming down to his level by hitting him with a steel rod.
It's possible that he might even feel bad about it when he woke up the next morning...possible, at least, even though he might be an incurable skeezer.