Immortality and Skipping The Beer

 ....that leads to your door...

I just got back from a run to the Whole Foods where I attempted to pick up another loaf of Dave's Bread...

They were plumb out of Dave's Bread, except for 3 loaves.

One of them I ruled out instantly as soon as I saw "70 calories" on the label.

I imagine that is per slice, which would make an egg sandwich about 230 calories, if my egg data memory serves me.

Of course a super large egg would probably push your egg sandwich up over 300 calories.

Scary number, 300....to borderline obese people. Because that is about the borderline; entering Obeseville.

But, "low calorie" bread -or "low calorie" anything, I have always felt to be a ripoff. 

You are getting less calories per your dollar. (period intended)

Why not pay the same money for the high calorie stuff and then just eat less of it. Have some left over. Save money...

"Light" cigarettes always got me that way, too. You choke up on them and suck the hell out of them bitches, just to get a satisfying amount of smoke on your puff, and then you realize that the cigarette is already half gone.

It's like removing the tar makes them burn faster, like hay that has been sitting in a barn during a drought.

The bread shelves were wiped out of mostly Dave's Bread. This is because hurricane Zeta is bearing down upon us, even as I write this.

There is a chance that this post is just going to end abruptly after my windows shatter inward under the crush of water which has breached the levy. There may be a corpse floating in my place, in the chest high water, and if so, and I can keep my phone dry, you readers will have a front row seat.

I am thinking of starting a DNA bank, as a business. So, everyone who passes away's DNA will be stored and labelled somewhere, in case science figures out how to bring people back to life, say 20,000 years from now, using cloning techniques and DNA.

Of course, maybe by then they will be able to source the DNA by farming the soil, and this might make cremation a less desirable "final arrangement" type of thing.

It might be centuries more before they (we) figure out how to clone people using DNA that has been destroyed in a fire...

It would be funny if we all are brought back to life again, 24,000 years from now, and it turns out that the scientist who pioneered the technology is named Jesus. What are the odds?!

"Yes, my mom named me after the 'messiah' that people used to believe in back in the flesh and blood days, she loves ancient history."

This will be an age when we will have achieved immortality, through being able to update ourselves through a subset of cloning, so that our physical bodies will be able to regrow themselves indefinitely.

Then, soon after the dawn of that era, Doctor (Jesus) Finley will come along and pioneer a way to resurrect the dead, by using the DNA that had been deposited in a bank just like mine.

The Population Reclamation Initiative will be set in motion, after barely passing a vote, with strong opposition from the people who thought that there were already enough earthling, plus those who argued that the people should be vetted before being cloned back into life. It will eventually be agreed upon that, since everyone was immortal, it would be selfish and immoral to deprive others of the same privilege.

And so, Jesus will resurrect us all, I guess is my point.

But

How can I be thinking of other things, like immortality, when I am about to ask Bernadette out on a date!

I have become so smitten by her honor, that, after having snooped around and checked out her website and such (I Wiki-ed her good) and learned that she is single, and looks to be very attractive and Latina (or whatever Sue the Colombian lady was) and about my age and so.

I am just going to walk up to her, hopefully seeing her milling about the polling location next Tuesday, and tell her that I have become a huge fan; and that I LOVE her opinions; and that her decisions turn me on and she's the fairest of them all; and ask her for a date!

I suppose I could add that I'm sorry about her husband, who was a neurologist, passing away about 10 years ago. But offer her hope of seeing him again (through Jesus).

Let's see, what else...oh, yeah

Paying $5.49 for a bag of Hyponex potting soil rather than getting the dollar store stuff has meant the difference between most things not even growing, and stuff growing like this 3 week old plant to the left.

I used to wonder if I had some kind of airborne mold that was killing any plants I tried to grow.

But, I now know that it was the dirt cheap dirt that was the problem.

It's Tuesday night, the World Series is on and I am skipping the beer this time.