Press "Lilly"

 My new phone came to life after being activated; and, although it required me to install Facebook and then the messenger appendage to it; in order to see all my familiar contacts (after giving the phone permission to fetch them) and it just seems like the free government phones are inextricably linked to Google.

Even using something other than the Chrome browser causes the phone to protest that I really should use Chrome; so they can sync everything together so that my location can be used to locate me and ultimately I can be made to vote for whatever candidate my phone wants me to, come election season.

I can already see the painting of Trump as being the enemy of the planet with his affinity for the fossil fuels that our country has a wealth of.

If I was a citizen of the world and didn't bleed red white and blue, type of thing, I would probably really resent the United States. But, I would probably hate the most how the whole world looks to this country for validation. You can be the best golfer in Japan, but you won't get a ticker tape parade in your honor until you come to America and beat the best of the best. Same thing for baseball players who might have rewritten the record books in Costa Rica; they haven't done a thing until they have come here and pitched a no hitter in the World Series, type of thing.

Why doesn't every country have their own industries, make their own movies and music and have their own sports leagues? Oh, they do; but those are all just a dress rehearsal for coming to the Land of Dreams and realizing them here.

That is probably what I would resent this country the most over, had I been born in Argentina, or The United Arab Emirates...

How did that come to be? It seems obvious that our way of life here was fertile ground for all these achievements. Are people are just a melting pot of everything; so there is nothing to distinguish an American baseball player who came up through Little League all the way to the big leagues...

Except maybe for good nutrition and vitamins; a lot of cow's milk and meat, meat, meat!

Lilly answered less than 3 seconds after I pressed the big tab with "Lilly" on it in my contacts.

I told her about my stage fright of late, which has become like a writer's block type of thing; whereby I talk myself out of going out to play, out of fear of maybe not making any money; while I wipe my ass with old socks that have holes in them and then just throw them away afterwards. I have a few cans of food for Harold, am out of kratom and tobacco. I wonder if the kratom that I buy when I make money is in conflict with my inner values; a part of me that want's to become totally sober and just live off spring water and deep breathing exercises for a maybe 3 weeks; to reinvent myself (some more).

I am worried about the guy who I found playing in front of Lilly's house last Friday, who informed me right away that he would be leaving in a minute and that "you can have your spot." He must have seen me playing there every night when I used to.

I couldn't see him as having made much money sitting in the dark like he was. As soon as I hung my spotlight overhead and started playing I got a tip from the very next group that came along. I guess I'm worried that the guy is going to figure out the "moths to a flame" effect of bringing a spotlight and will be making the 30 bucks an hour that I typically do on a Friday night and will become territorial.

Lilly told me that she was tired from cleaning the pool and wouldn't be coming out to say hello to me; that was also a low key way of saying don't call me to come out and run off a guy who might be playing under a spotlight when I arrive...

I almost feel like seeing if Jacob wants to come by with some kratom and to go out and make it easier to coax the guy off the spot by outnumbering him 2 to 1.

I need to do some kind of meditating and centering and reclaiming the enthusiasm that had me going out rain or cold, every night except an occasional Monday night off to watch football.

If I was in jail doing a 6 month sentence and they told me I could leave every night but I had to busk for 3 hours as part of the deal; I think I would have the mindset that I will be trying to put myself into; when I meditate and center myself; after watching Jeopardy which comes on in 11 minutes...