Well, It's A 30 Day Program...

 2 Days in a row I listened to the hypnosis/self-improvement recording. With my eyes closed, I tried to suspend my disbelief and affirm to myself that I am worthy; and, not only that but, just as I am....

The overarching concept and name of the video (which is functionally just an audio track because you're instructed to close your eyes, and why wouldn't you as they are getting heavier, like they are made of marble...

But, I believe it is a well intended Youtube video; and it's a "try this for 30 days and see if you still want to murder someone and then turn the gun on yourself" style videos that seem to really populate the search result box with usually a dozen equally compelling guided meditations...

It's really good stuff (meditation) and alcohol consumption has a deleterious effect upon, I believe, the super small parts of the brain that were the last to be added on after the more important parts pertaining to fighting and fleeing; had matured. Then comes the high frequency tuner portion of the brain that can sense things that can't be seen, heard nor felt....

And I happen to wonder sometimes if those aren't the circuits that get knocked out first by a punch of tequila, dark rum and High-C. (Any flavor except apple -for some odd reason).

So, I only half mock the "guided meditations" that flourish so much that you can find a dozen cool ones; all on the same theme, such as "confidence" or "anxiety" and other abstract things that people battle with...

I choose them based upon their length vs how much ime I have to devote to becoming more confident, as that is the one I picked, and now I'm stuck for the next 30 days, perhaps gaining a whole bunch of confidence, but at the expense of some other trait that I could use some honing up on; a lot more than on my confidence. 

But a 5 and a half minute video that purports to usher you into deep levels of relaxation; so as to make you suggestible to the positive affirmations provided. 

I think the 30 days straight of doing the meditation might be for people like me who must have a good laugh over something before wanting to taking it more seriously. I mean when "the guy" (Jason Stephenson comes to mind -I would change tabs and just Google it but, the current state of my laptop and its mysterious crashings have made me mouse shy when it comes to fancy things that ued to be routine...

At one point the affirmation is "You are beautiful..." and it comes from out of left field a bit; almost makes you blush; but in my case I was like seeing myself as Charles Manson, with his headphones on; and the affirmation comes. Or the Son of Sam guy.. 

So I always interrupt my own journey into the nether regions of relaxation at that point as I want to yell at my screen "What if I'm Donald Trump watching this?!"

"I am Enough Just As I Am..."

So, you're watching a self improvement type program and you learn that you are enough just as you are...Do you press stop and go on to something else, since you don't stand any improving?

These thoughts are like clouds, though, and shouldn't impede you and your imagination in imagining that you are beautiful.

I just imagine myself some retarded person with a swine's sense of judgment seeing myself, as if I was seeing myself in a mirror but through this slob's body and thinking; well, in this case I guess I'm kind of beautiful; let me make her drunk also in my imagination and...oh, what a beautiful man in a black hat!

I am pushing my luck with the inexplicable browser crashes lately. I have had suggestions on the Reddit r/ asking other people why you get the snake chasing its tail thing and then, boom, nothing...

It was suggested by some that I should run a memory test to see if my RAM, which costs money to replace, is corrupted. I guess I'm aftraid it's going to be and want to postpone the horrendous discovery a bit...

I would have to download the Memtest86 onto a bootable USB then run the thing upon the memory in my computer. It is possible that the "It's probably full of dust and cat hair" guy's held some merit.. I flipped the thing over and kind of whacked it a bit while tickling the keys on the keyboard and, there was .