Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Package From London




I pick up the package from Alyne and Mike at St. Francis'

Picking up mail at St. Francis House is always an ordeal. There is usually a line of people waiting to assail the poor office employee in turn, with requests for handouts, like toiletries, and ,most ominously, requests to use the phone. 
However long and tediously their phone conversations drag on, those behind them in line suffer in kind.
They pray to hear "goodbye" coming out of the mouth of whomever was using the free phone, because they are homeless and worthless, and so in turn they earn nothing; in line with the theory that society compensates commensurate with worth...but I digress.

Today was no different - there was a family there with obese children, requesting a "food basket" There must have been issues concerning food allergies, because the compiling of their basket took way too long. "Do you have different flavors of Ramen Noodles, because, despite the fact that we are living outdoors, unemployed and have obese kids (unexplicably) we really don't like the spicy chicken flavor; sorry" type of thing...

Then there was somebody wanting to use the phone to call someone and complain about why he had to pay the $15 for a mental health evaluation when in fact it was "her"(the person doing the evaluation, I assume) who was crazy.
I asked the nice Phil if he would go through the mail bin and see if there was anything under "M" for me.
He found this not to be too big a breach of St. Francis policy and soon produced a package, sent from England, or "the UK" as the postmen seem to prefer.
I felt like I had gained some modicum of respect from the bums at that noble institution, who must have deemed me more important than they might previously have though, seeing that I had gotten something from so far away. "Wow, he knows someone in England? I thought he was just, you know, homeless..."
I didn't want to open it in front of them because I was not in the mood to fend off the inevitable "hey, let me get some of that; one of those etc.," requests.
I went to a spot where I sometimes drank malt liquor and sat down with a can of malt liquor and opened the package, which listed "toiletries" and "documents" as being the contents.
Several pages from my lost blog were enclosed, along with a clipping about the James Taylor concert in London or somewhere. The guy gets around.
There was a letter which mentioned an uncanny group of musicians whom I have either heard or thought about in the past few days.
I was dying for a cigarette and kicking myself for not having gotten a pack before sitting down to open the package. Then, I noticed that, under the blog page package were gold boxes, which I had assumed to be "toiletries." But, they were cigarette box sized and a further inspection revealed them to be Benson & Hedges cigarettes, all the way from England (ok, UK) and having a blatant warning on the front of the box, stating that "Smoking Harms You And Everyone Else."
On the back was a graphic photo of a mouth full of rotted teeth and ulcerous formations which one would assume is a bad kind of mouth cancer. (They need to fire their marketing staff, I thought)
I was unsettled enough by reading the ominous warnings that I really needed a cigarette and happily lit one up.
Then, underneath some really neat toiletries, like fragrances which are only smelled in London, and mosquito repellant which is probably of a strength illegal in The States, just as I was thinking "I really need to get to my spot...I'm really enjoying opening this package and perusing it, but, I need money...," I saw the familiar shade of green which only means one thing to us Americans (well it means one thing to the guys and another thing to the ladies, but that is beyond the scope of this post) and I produced a 20 dollar bill from the bottom of the box.
How did they get U.S. currency? I thought, before the "other voice" in my head said "Shut up and be glad they did!"
And so, my thanks to Alyne and Mike Lidgley? (the last name was partially obliterated by what was probably condensation off of one of Karrie's beer cans -she's killing me, absolutely killing me!!)
to be cont.


Karrie was beside herself with glee to see the body wash and the anti-perspirant, which are from London. She is an obsessive washer and considers soap before food and right after air. She wanted to wash up immediately, and so we went to where there is a high pressure hose behind a building (Karrie knows where all the running water is in St. Augustine) and did just that.
She fell asleep in my arms that night, saying "We smell so good."
And when the mosquitos came around, she was ready for them.

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