Monday, January 10, 2011

A Prayer For Guidance

I sometimes feel like I will die in a spot like this; just looking, and thinking.
This morning, I vacillated between feeling despondent, getting over it, and then feeling despondent, overwhelmed and lacking purpose; and then getting over it. These emotions have rarely been visited upon me since my becoming a street musician.
It is already 1 pm., and soon the temperature will plummet into the range where playing guitar on the street will not be a viable option. Going to The Garage for their open mic night would put me in a warm place, but I wouldn't feel entirely comfortable, (having only a dollar and seventeen cents,) when the waitress comes to ask me if I "want anything."
Neckbones With Terry
My friend Terry wants to cook some "neckbones" in some kind of fryer type thing, which he owns and plugs into a certain socket outside the U-Haul place. I still have "food money," and I may just buy some neckbones and let Terry cook them up for us. There is that feeling of despair, again.
I feel like I could and should have entered the "Kingdom Of Heaven," but am stuck here on earth, where Satan is jerking me around, and mocking me, because I didn't quite repent enough or have strong enough faith. It's like I am in a coma and angels are around me, shaking me and trying to reach me, saying "Wake up, Daniel; you can do it!" Yet, I remain unconscious, dreaming about stupid things that will never matter, ultimately. 
..neckbones; stupid??...
God only reveals Himself to certain people (that's somewhere in the bible,) and it is crossing my mind that my whole spiritual journey to this point may have been an illusion, born in my imagination. It's hard to be absolutely certain about anything, by my nature. I have total faith in "blind faith," I just wish I believed that more strongly.
It would be a shame to think that I wound up in Mobile totally at random and that there is no significance to things which seemed God-sent at the occasion of them.

I was warm and snug in my sleeping bag last night, with a fleece blanket wrapped around me, under the trolley with my radio on, as I listened to the re-capping of the games which were played, which I missed because I can't be in several places at once, and can't prioritise, nor manage time. I am standing at the foot of the signpost, as its shadow grows long. 
It is time for a period of fasting and prayer...after the neckbones, that is...
That's the only thing which has never failed me.
I Went To High School With Mike
ON A Different Note, the picture to the right was posted by a guy I went to high school with. He was a rather shy and reserved kid, not known by me, at the time, to be an artist nor musician. But, it's hard to know what a quiet, reserved kid from a small town has going on in his head, and I guess he was/is an artist, at least (see right)
I found this post this morning, and am putting it here because it is pretty similar to something that Jared, son of Jeff The Potter and Jennie, drew Sunday.
It is possible that Mike Feeney (as that is his name) was drawing this at the same time, 1,200 miles away; tapping into some collective, subconscious well of creative energy.
I now go to contemplate what to "tap into," myself. I'm reading 3 books, writing 3 books, working on 12 songs, and trying to "improve" myself in general, and little appears to be getting done. I am haunted by people who would tell me that, maybe I wasn't meant to do the thing that I am trying to do, and that accounts for my lack of progress.
Maybe I will just work harder, like the Donkey in "Animal Farm," by George Orwell.
I know that my life can change in 48 hours, thanks to U-Tube...
I could be just a few neckbones away from self-realization...

1 comment:

  1. A prayer doesn’t have to be fancy or lengthy to be effective. Sometimes, the simplest prayer is the most effective. If you need more prayer for guidance, The following are some popular prayers -
    "Saint Michael the Archangel,
    Beloved protector,
    Shield me from all the negative forces,
    Both inside me and outside of me,
    Infuse me with your Divine Strength,
    Charge me with your Heavenly Power,
    Help me have faith in my darkest hour,
    Guard me and guide every day."


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