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"Play That Thing!!"

After I left Pollmans Bakery, Tuesday, I walked the 2 miles to the Central Presbyterian Church on Dauphin Street, where I was told, after registering with them, by writing my name on an index card ...If you don't have any contact information, just leave it blank, it's OK...that I could go into the "Grace Closet" and take 7 items of clothing.

There were PLENTY of tee shirts, very few pants, and no jackets, except a vivid red one that had the logo of a paint manufacturer emblazoned upon it, and their slogan written on the back, "We've got you covered," or "One coat will do," or something.

I decided that I didn't want to walk the streets as "paint guy," and I didn't want to freak out the mockingbirds, who would think that the biggest f**** cardinal that they'd ever seen had invaded their territory, so I grabbed 6 tee shirts; 4 that I liked and 2 that would fit Howard.

One of the ones that would fit Howard was a bright red one with Vancouver, British Colombia signified on the front; his mockingbirds would just have to get over their initial shock...

I went to my holly bush and actually started on the 504 piece jigsaw puzzle.

He'd Give Me The Shirt Off His Back...

Then, I remembered my football predictions, and the two shirts and made my way to Howards holly bush with those items, planning to leave them there and let him figure out where they came from.

He was already there, though the sun wasn't even down.

He really seemed to like the "Vancouver" shirt ..."Oh, wow!," and, as an afterthought, I bummed 45 cents off him, to go with my 55 cents and then trekked off to the Shell Station on Water Street to buy my one and only can of Steel Reserve.

After I drank it, I went into town. The temperature was a very playable 53 degrees.

It being Wednesday night, my strategy was to sit at the acoustically superior spot and try to grab one good tip from one of the Battle House Hotel patrons, out for a brisk walk.

Hweeb Defined

I played for a while and had not done so when "The Guy Who Comes Along And Strikes Up A Conversation And Then Plops Himself Down Next To You Hoping That Someone Will Give You A Nice Tip So He Can Beg You To Buy Him A Beer" came along, and was soon sitting next to me.

I soon decided to try to find a spot up the street, closer to The Soul Kitchen, where there was a huge line of people waiting to go in and see The All American Rejects.

I needed to wait until Busabas Restaurant closed, and The Guy With The Hat went home, because he has told me in the past that he had spoken with every other business owner on that block, and they were all of one mind in giving him permission to run me (or any other busker) off from in front of their stores.

The whole block is owned by the Naman family, and has been "Since 1914."

"The Guy Who Comes Along And Strikes Up A Conversation," etc. followed along as I walked past the restaurant, which was now closed, "I guess I'll just hang out with you; I've got nothing to do" and to The Soul Kitchen, where I asked one of the bouncers what time the show was letting out.

As I stood there with my guitar slung over my back, a man walked up and handed me 3 dollars, saying "This is your pay for tonight."

I thanked him.

"The Guy"s face instantly lit up and he said "That's a blessing!" as he stared at the bills, as if trying to count them.

He then took out of his pocket one of the "ducks" that he was reduced to smoking, as if trying to send the message: "Pity me because; look what I'm smoking; and you with almost enough for a whole pack of smokes!"

I wasn't "buying" the guy at all and I wasn't buying him a beer at all, either.

"Yeah, this will make good seed money when I play tomorrow morning. It's always good to start with a few of your own bills in the case," I told him, and then added that I had better get to my spot and get some sleep, so I could be up bright and early.

"Do you mind, if I crash there, too?" "I've got no place to go," he said.

This guy just had that feckless appearance that I had seen in other inveterate beggars, and he resembled one in particular, whom I had dubbed "The Hweeb," a word that my spell checker is spasing out over, (just like it is for spasing) because I made it up; because; the guy just looks like a hweeb.

The feature derives from the guy putting a pathetic look on his face so regularly; as regularly as anyone might pull money out in front of him, or cigarettes; that the lines have etched themselves in and remain on his face even when he is not in the process of saying "Pleeese, sir...I'd REALLY APPRECIATE it..."

So, I lied to the guy and told him that there is only one other guy who knows where my spot is and I don't really trust him. He won't steal anything from me, because he knows that he would be the first person that I would suspect, but, if he sees me bring another person there, he'll rip me off blind and then come back and say "I guess your new buddy is a thief!" knowing that it would cast doubts into my mind, and I wouldn't really know whom to accuse.

"I wouldn't run any scam like that!" said the guy.

Pandemonium Outside The Soul Kitchen!!

Hweeb rationality, that.

Well, I did go and get a couple of beers, and returned to the acoustically superior spot; no hweeb in sight; and managed to get one girl to throw me 3 dollars; another young man 1 dollar, and yet another young man a quarter (and that was "thrown" in the full sense of the word; from about 30 feet away.

The All American Rejects fans seemed to be All American Jerks for the most part. Even the guy who gave me a dollar did so after one of the group he was with shouted something rudely like: "Play that thing!"

I am happy because I am playing better with the new pick gripping style, and woke up this morning in time to chug an energy drink and hit the Big Clock Spot, but had only had about 5 hours of sleep at that point (up making that $7.25, then cooking fish) and so I blew it off. 

I had $5.10 on me, instead of less than that and a hweeb lying nearby saying "That fish was good last night, and I really appreciated the beer, and could I get just one more cigarette...