Thursday, June 12, 2014

Skeezer, What Are You Saying?

I woke up this Wednesday afternoon.
"Wow, it's only 3:38 p.m.!"
That would explain why the boat was gone; and that would give me a couple hours more to sleep.
There was a tin of peanut brittle which the mice seemed to be working on very slowly, near me; and the bird was right there, about 10 feet away, standing perfectly still, probably waiting for a mouse to rear its head.
Something Like This...
I first saw the bird about a week ago; standing perfectly still at the waters edge; and then, coming up the bank of rocks and standing perfectly still right at the spot where I had thrown the mice some cheese; some expensive cheese that I had grabbed out of Rouses trash as a matter of principle i.e. it might just be cool to have an 18 dollar piece of cheese on you...
I just Googled Louisiana birds and could not find the bird that is now a pretty frequent visitor under the dock.
I have pictures of it; but they are on my Obama phone and the micro SD slot is not working; so I can't get them off the phone. I can't believe that not one of the birds on the website matched the bird which comes within 4 feet of me and stands perfectly still, staring a a gap in the rocks where mice might come out of.
Mice Wise
The mice must be wise because, when I used to put food there for them, they would be out within the half hour, going at it. They must know the bird is there; because they just aren't coming out. The bird is freakishly patient.
I Go Into The Quarter Broke
I went into the Quarter with no money at all.
My friend wasn't working at the store, so I couldn't even get my first beer of the day by trading something off my food card.
Skeezers were here and there; and everywhere; which I guess boils down to everywhere.
It was amazing to be seeing people handing money to skeezers to my left and right, on this particular day upon which I was broke.
I am trying not to read too much into situations, lately.
I hadn't made a cent the night before; for only about the 3rd time in 3 years.
I knew that there just weren't hardly any people out and how absurd it would be to be angry at everyone who wasn't there and who, consequently, didn't throw me any tips.
I got out and played, starting out down by Lillys other stoop, where the light is more intense. I stopped short of setting up right under the lamp post in front of the condo of the lawyer who had run me off, more than a year ago, now.
35 Dollar Wednesday
I made about 35 bucks, but almost all of that came at the last minute, when, after a second night I thought about quitting the business and doing something else like playing the off ramps of Interstate highways all the way up the coast; when a group of 3 came along.
One of them wanted to play my guitar.
I would have normally handed it to him, since they were well dressed, but I was leery because of the experience of the previous night (when I had made nothing for only the 3rd time in 3 years here) and the fact that there had been 2 well dressed entities who had sat and listened and talked to me and then walked off, without leaving me any money.
I actually asked if they would leave me a tip "for wear and tear on the guitar."
"Don't worry, we will take care of you," said the heavyset one.
They turned out to be German. The guy played "Sweet Home Alabama," German style, and then "Mary Janes Last Dance," by Tom Petty, hacking up the second pretty badly.
I sang along, harmonizing to the all-so-familiar songs; and they gave me what turned out to be 26 dollars.
Immediately after the 20 and the 5 dollar bills went into my case; a skeezer materialized and began to skeeze the guys.
I loved it when they displayed their backbone and told him that they were busy with me right then, and sent him down the road.
He most assuredly went down the road and talked to a diminutive tattoo covered black man who arrived about 25 minutes later, asking me if I wanted to buy any weed.
I told him that I was "straight."
He instantly changed tack to asking me if I wanted any "coke."
What a coincidence that this random stranger shows up offering an expensive stimulant after the Germans throw me "all kinds of money."
It was obvious that the first skeezer had gone and told some kind of tale about me having 20 dollar bills thrown to me (left and right, as things get exaggerated) by this rich group of tourists.
Then was sent some guy whom I had never seen before, to try to "sell" me some weed, or some coke*.
This had all the hallmarks of a rip off. Of course they send the guy who is just in town over night, waiting for his bus to leave or something (whom I would never see again) to try to rip me off.
Secondly, when I said that I wasn't interested in weed, he switched right to coke without missing a beat....yeah, them Germans were throwing down, he don't want no weed; he want the good stuff

I should have teased him and said that these German tourists ....really? 

had just come by and, honest to God, were throwing me 100 dollar bills for every song that I played ...I know... and I know this girl who is just sitting at The Last Call bar that, If I showed up with some LSD, I know she would screw me all night. Do you have any LSD?
"Oh, I got you man! I got you! I was JUST TALKING to this dude right up there; and he was asking me if I knew anyone that wanted LSP; Wow, I got you, man!
One "problem" with him was that, if he really did have coke, then that would have been his initial
foray: "Hey, I got some good coke! Not into that?; Well, I got some good weed, too!..." Not the other way around.
"This isn't my first time being skeezed!" I felt like saying.
It's amazing how they all seem to intuit the meaning of that word, which I made up as a designation for them; none of them have asked "Skeezer, what are you saying?" They know.


alex carter said...

Why don't you call your Food Stamps, Beer Stamps?

Daniel McKenna said...

Do they give food stamps to people because they don't want them to disgrace the image of The United States when photos of starved to death, ribs showing and skeleton looking faces, frozen in expressions of utter hunger; start to make their way onto the Internet,,,or is it a way to basically keep the economy going?
I guess this is not the issue here; Trading the stamps at the going rate of 50 cents on the dollar is a desperation measure; like pawning the title to your 2003 Dodge Lancer, and it is only done by fools who can't see the forest for the trees; or as a desperation measure by myself, who can make 4 times the money by being illuminated by a spotlight with 5 bucks worth of Duracells in it; than by looking like a skeezer because I am in such darkness that tourists can't tell WHAT I am, and so I automatically become a skeezer by default; and since I'm not up to snuff in that role, because I'm not yelling something like "I need money for a sex change!!" I wouldn't get even their one dollar..
Again, if I drink beer, then the money I save by being able to get "free" food off my card could go towards the purchase of beer making it seem like I am trading food for beer.
But, if the money that I save by getting free beer off my card allows me to buy batteries for my spotlight and draw tourists like moths to my oasis of light in the barren darkness of the 900 block of Bourbon, and allow me to make almost a third of the value of the card for a whole damned month, then I guess let's call it a Beer Stamp Card!

alex carter said...

You get enough free food and drink to live off of well there, even get fat on. No matter how hard you try to come up with a big long rationalization (remember a few posts back, someone making a big long rationalization to you?) food stamp fraud is food stamp fraud.

Hell you've even shown you can get cigs for free as long as you don't mind collecting "ducks".

When I was on food stamps I bought ... wait for it ... food. I bought oatmeal and brussels sprouts (no kidding!) and about the most frivolous thing I bought was the occasional salad at the supermarket.

Skeezing stimulates the economy, that theory could only come from a skeezer.

Daniel McKenna said...

"Hey man, I'm starving, and I can see that you're shivering...I'll let you crash at my warm place, if you'll just fix us both up a nice hot bowl of oatmeal...with brussels sprouts."
"NO SIR, that would be committing fraud!"
I think I see your point...

alex carter said...

It's fairly common for a homeless person getting food stamps to pay for a place to stay by using their stamps for payment. That's the situation I found myself in; I got out of there and got off of food stamps as soon as I could. But in all fairness it was more of a way of pooling resources, since about half of my food stamps may have been feeding my friend, but about half of my food was coming from him too, we'd do these big shopping trips etc. (20 miles out of town) but the food stamps were used for wholesome foods, not beer and weed.