Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Hilarious The Fifth

Cat Damages Exceed 50 Dollars

Breaking News: Louise Just Shows Up And Kind Of Skeezes (in my opinion) Her Way Into Sleeping The Day Off In My Place

Louise Tears Up My Tranquility

I thought that, when I was jolted awake by my inhouse phone which usually only rings for good things, like to tell me that there is a package waiting for me up front, or that I have won the Sacred Heart Turkey Raffle...
It rarely rings.

It was Louise, they said.

They actually said, something like "There's a Louse Here..."
But, having been jolted awake at the hour of 9:30AM, an hour that Louise probably should have known to be one when I would be just freshly asleep, as, over the whole 10 days that she had crashed at my place and put a Hoo Doo on me, etc. I slept pretty much from 7 AM until about 3 PM. Every day,.

So, I get a call at 9:30.

I just heard the name "Louise" in my stupor.

"Louise stayed here for about 10 days, but she isn't here, now.."

"No, she here...up front..."

I thought that she was here to cart off the last of her stuff, pay me the 20 dollars that she had promised for storing her stuff, and maybe even take possession of Harold the Cat, adding the balance of 10 dollars on him that she owes me to her remittance.

Instead, she had connived a way to sleep on my couch all day for what turned out to be 5 bucks.

The cat tore up my subwoofer.,

My caseworker came and visited me a day or so ago, and I put on some music that I had been working on, and that I was reasonably proud of; and it sounded like crap. The bass notes were horribly distorted.

I blamed it upon the compressor that I had used in the final mix; thinking that it had added volume in the "grave" register that might not have been evident in the headphones that I was using when I was mixing, but what might; in a full range speaker, become distorted.

That was not the case, as, when I flipped over my speaker cabinet which houses the woofer which hovers only about 2 inches above the floor; I discovered that the very same woofer had been damaged in a manner consistent with cat claws. There were needle-like punctures, and then, shreaded foam rubber around the perimeter of the speaker cone, the medium which the speaker hovers upon.

I am going through old music with the intention of paring and shearing.

The destruction that the cat has brought has extended to the sub woofer on my speaker cabinet. It shredded the foam rubber around the speaker cone.

All the furniture in the apartment bears puncture marks from its claws. My earbuds have had the rubber tips bitten off.

Louise is in the other room talking about her life, as I try to write this; she showed up yesterday morning at the front desk; which called me right after I had dosed off, it seemed.

I thought she was here to pick up the rest of her stuff; or to get Harold the cat, or both.

She didn't have her cart, and thus couldn't pick up her stuff.

She was here hoping to sleep "a couple hours" on my couch. She didn't mention that until she had slowly limped all the way to the back door, and we we almost to the apartment.

I felt that was a bit manipulative; she could have had the front desk person tell me that she had arrived and ask me then, if I would come and get her so she could sleep "a couple hours" at my place.

She has just woken up, after having slept most of the day. It is 5:30 PM, and already getting dark outside.

You've just read: 540 words.

1 comment:

alex carter said...

Skeezing is always more fun in groups! And I think you may be trying for the "pity drop" with your consistently lousy recordings. Playing well and sounding good may be counter-productive ....