By Embracing Uncertainty

Everything is pointing north, in a manner of speaking, as I am living with my greatest fear being that I will not make my trip to New England -for any reason under the sun- that something will come along to sabotage it.

I know that the only thing that could do that would be myself.

If I were to start drinking again, for any reason, for example, then I might find myself without the resources to make the trip, in short order.

I am going to go, whether or not I manage to kick cigarettes, coffee, energy drinks, pot and kratom and stay off alcohol.

The thought of Uncle Daniel having to step outside every 45 minutes for a cigarette, in front of my 4 nieces whom I have yet to meet, is embarrassing.

"New Orleans is a highly stressful and competitive environment for a musician and coming up with a coping mechanism like smoking is almost inevitable," is too lame for me to contemplate, as a reason for that.

"Needing" to smoke a joint in order to get into the mood for playing is another demon-driven behavior.

As I am on my 4th day of a juice fast, now is the time when I am going to have to go to the Lilly Pad with nothing but a gallon jug of spring water by my side and try to "make it happen."

I have been there before, but that was at least a year ago.

Harold's Food

How long I plan upon being away will correlate to how much cat food I can procure to leave with my neighbor, Wayne.

I'm shooting for 3 week's worth of it.

I've just about finished a song about my friend Hubert Borg, and will next finish one written by my high school friend, and band-mate, Ted Broughey -one which he sent me his own version of, recorded in his apartment, about 7 years ago.

I feel kind of weak.

I ate a cucumber, peeled and doused in vinegar and sprinkled with salt, last night before going to sleep. I'm still having depressing dreams -ones in which I am lost, or have lost my guitar and backpack and am roaming the earth in the dream, searching for them. The water-only fasting people, in their group discussions on Facebook, advise that, if the person just feels too weak, or is called upon to do something strenuous, she can nibble on a little bit of bread here and there. This slows way down the process of the body consuming its own fat, and eventually its cancerous cells, for energy.  

It being a Monday, I would be spinning the Wheel of Fortune by going out to play. It could land on 7 dollars, or on 50, but that is normal. The attitude that I go out with will ultimately control that.

My guitar strings are getting old and should start breaking any time now. I might take the brand new set off the Epiphone, which became my "second" guitar, the second I put the Grover Rotomatic 102 tuning machines on the Takamine, and switch them over to it.

I erred by not throwing 20 bucks on the green American Express Serve card when I had 23 bucks yesterday.

But, again, I'm not going to let having worn out strings and/or harmonicas keep me from traveling. There is a good chance that I might make enough money in a place like Charlottesville, Virginia (and hopefully meet John Grisham on the pedestrian mall there) to be able to go to their local music store and purchase a brand new Sukuki Harpmaster for around 30 bucks, it being conceivable that I could actually improve myself in transit, rather than sitting around here as the slow season rolls in like a thunderhead, hoping to have "just one fifty dollar night," before embarking on the trip.

Ekhart Tolle said that by embracing uncertainty, we help the blessings to flow.

I won't call Massachusetts until I am doing so from somewhere in between here and there.