A Deep Foreboding
Yesterday afternoon, I was ready to come here to blog in the computer lab, and then thought I would go to the Goodwill Store later, but I put the Goodwill trip first, and never made it here, and a third day went by without a post.
I guess the good news is that I will tomorrow get more "data" on my government phone and, if I use it wisely, should be able to post from my room a lot more frequently. Maybe for the whole month, if I avoid sitting and watching streaming videos on Youtube. I believe that might be what really chews up the 2 gigabytes of data that I get free every month.
I had somehow gotten about 40 dollars ahead through this past weekend, out of which Friday night had been rained out.
Right: Charlottesville, a great busking location that I lived in for two years before I ever considered busking...
That pretty much means that I made about 55 bucks. I think I only spent ten bucks on cartridges for my VUSE nicotine vaporizer and the rest on Harold the cat's food and a bag of litter.
Perhaps the biggest thing in the grand scope of this blog might be the fact that, since getting the vaporizer, about two weeks ago now, I have pretty much switched over to it, and have stopped smoking tobacco.
At first, I would still crave a puff of real tobacco and would walk up to the corner bar, vaporizer in hand, and try to buy a single cigarette off someone.
I brought the vaporizer to make it look like what it was, and not like I was a bum who didn't even have a cigarette as a reflection of how little I actually contribute to society.
So, maybe the more life-changing process of me quitting smoking is underway and overshadows the fact that, otherwise, things are moving much too slowly.
Lilly texted me yesterday, wondering where I have been. I have been getting there progressively later with each passing week, it seems, and now I might even be playing my first notes after Lilly has fallen asleep.
It is going to be in the high sixties, temperature-wise tonight, and there is no excuse for me not to be out there.
I am getting that same kind of feeling I had the last time I decided to play in the afternoon after not doing so for years, and went there to discover that Lilly now has a daytime busker that she has taken under her wing -the horn player from Paris, named Santo.
I think that, on such a beautiful night, Lilly is going to come out to sit, and it would be really nice, and make me feel like her and I are on solid ground, if I were there playing.
I need to quit smoking weed in the daytime. It saps my ambition, makes me feel insecure, focuses me in upon what is right around me, causing me to lose sight of "the big picture" and long term goals and causes me to forget about things like getting a new key card for the Sacred Heart building, so I don't have to knock on the door at 2 AM and make whomever is behind the security desk get up and let me in.
It is typical for me to smoke some of Bobby's weed and then not be able to decide between getting the key card, or going to get a power cable for the new computer I got, as I sit there with "couch paralysis" until it's too late to do either. It is a general feeling of being overwhelmed.
Then, that evening, I might come home and feel bad about having to knock on the door to disturb the guard, and then might have to unplug one thing to move the cord over to the new computer, and then might smoke some more weed and voila! oh shit -there is now a third thing that comes to my attention that needs to be done, along with the key card and the power cord, etc...
And it is all tied in with the medicinal grade bud that I unwittingly smoked while at Bobby's, earlier this afternoon.
What ensued was pretty much predictable.
I went back to my apartment, where I sat for about 45 minutes on the couch.
Should I turn on the radio? Should I listen back to the music that I recorded last night? I felt a deep sadness, as if, if I didn't go out to busk on such a beautiful evening, I would be disappointing Lilly, and losing some of her support.
I am also just a few bucks short of being able to get an ounce of kratom.
But, then I remembered the fact that I have not been doing a good job of posting to this blog "at least something" every day, as there has been another lapse of 4 days, this time.
So, I guess I go back to the apartment and maybe do one of the self help dialogue things, and basically wait to come down off of the bud that I smoked enough, so that I can make the concrete decision to get out to the Lilly Pad, early enough so that if Lilly wants to sit by me for a while, it would still be close enough to dinner hour to frame the experience in a different light than if she was hanging out with me at midnight.
I haven't had such a strong, almost psychic, pull towards the Lilly Pad in a while.
It's as if Lilly is standing there right now, in the company of another busker whom she has made the acquaintance of, telling he or she that she had texted me about why she hasn't seen me there much at all, and that, if I didn't show up by sundown, in response to her, than that other busker can go ahead and play and have the spot and, if I were to show up, to tell me that she gave the spot to them because I am never there....
It is 6:30 PM right now. I guess it couldn't hurt to pack up my gear and at least ride by the spot -it's just a 14 minute bike ride- just to see if my premonition is right.
I think at some point in the near future, if I get a gig inside a bar somewhere, I might tell Lilly to go ahead and let someone else play there, as it wouldn't be fair for my to tie it up when I am hardly ever there.
Yesterday afternoon, I was ready to come here to blog in the computer lab, and then thought I would go to the Goodwill Store later, but I put the Goodwill trip first, and never made it here, and a third day went by without a post.
I guess the good news is that I will tomorrow get more "data" on my government phone and, if I use it wisely, should be able to post from my room a lot more frequently. Maybe for the whole month, if I avoid sitting and watching streaming videos on Youtube. I believe that might be what really chews up the 2 gigabytes of data that I get free every month.
I had somehow gotten about 40 dollars ahead through this past weekend, out of which Friday night had been rained out.
Right: Charlottesville, a great busking location that I lived in for two years before I ever considered busking...
That pretty much means that I made about 55 bucks. I think I only spent ten bucks on cartridges for my VUSE nicotine vaporizer and the rest on Harold the cat's food and a bag of litter.
Perhaps the biggest thing in the grand scope of this blog might be the fact that, since getting the vaporizer, about two weeks ago now, I have pretty much switched over to it, and have stopped smoking tobacco.
At first, I would still crave a puff of real tobacco and would walk up to the corner bar, vaporizer in hand, and try to buy a single cigarette off someone.
I brought the vaporizer to make it look like what it was, and not like I was a bum who didn't even have a cigarette as a reflection of how little I actually contribute to society.
So, maybe the more life-changing process of me quitting smoking is underway and overshadows the fact that, otherwise, things are moving much too slowly.
Lilly texted me yesterday, wondering where I have been. I have been getting there progressively later with each passing week, it seems, and now I might even be playing my first notes after Lilly has fallen asleep.
It is going to be in the high sixties, temperature-wise tonight, and there is no excuse for me not to be out there.
I am getting that same kind of feeling I had the last time I decided to play in the afternoon after not doing so for years, and went there to discover that Lilly now has a daytime busker that she has taken under her wing -the horn player from Paris, named Santo.
I think that, on such a beautiful night, Lilly is going to come out to sit, and it would be really nice, and make me feel like her and I are on solid ground, if I were there playing.
I need to quit smoking weed in the daytime. It saps my ambition, makes me feel insecure, focuses me in upon what is right around me, causing me to lose sight of "the big picture" and long term goals and causes me to forget about things like getting a new key card for the Sacred Heart building, so I don't have to knock on the door at 2 AM and make whomever is behind the security desk get up and let me in.
It is typical for me to smoke some of Bobby's weed and then not be able to decide between getting the key card, or going to get a power cable for the new computer I got, as I sit there with "couch paralysis" until it's too late to do either. It is a general feeling of being overwhelmed.
Then, that evening, I might come home and feel bad about having to knock on the door to disturb the guard, and then might have to unplug one thing to move the cord over to the new computer, and then might smoke some more weed and voila! oh shit -there is now a third thing that comes to my attention that needs to be done, along with the key card and the power cord, etc...
And it is all tied in with the medicinal grade bud that I unwittingly smoked while at Bobby's, earlier this afternoon.
What ensued was pretty much predictable.
I went back to my apartment, where I sat for about 45 minutes on the couch.
Should I turn on the radio? Should I listen back to the music that I recorded last night? I felt a deep sadness, as if, if I didn't go out to busk on such a beautiful evening, I would be disappointing Lilly, and losing some of her support.
I am also just a few bucks short of being able to get an ounce of kratom.
But, then I remembered the fact that I have not been doing a good job of posting to this blog "at least something" every day, as there has been another lapse of 4 days, this time.
So, I guess I go back to the apartment and maybe do one of the self help dialogue things, and basically wait to come down off of the bud that I smoked enough, so that I can make the concrete decision to get out to the Lilly Pad, early enough so that if Lilly wants to sit by me for a while, it would still be close enough to dinner hour to frame the experience in a different light than if she was hanging out with me at midnight.
I haven't had such a strong, almost psychic, pull towards the Lilly Pad in a while.
It's as if Lilly is standing there right now, in the company of another busker whom she has made the acquaintance of, telling he or she that she had texted me about why she hasn't seen me there much at all, and that, if I didn't show up by sundown, in response to her, than that other busker can go ahead and play and have the spot and, if I were to show up, to tell me that she gave the spot to them because I am never there....
It is 6:30 PM right now. I guess it couldn't hurt to pack up my gear and at least ride by the spot -it's just a 14 minute bike ride- just to see if my premonition is right.
I think at some point in the near future, if I get a gig inside a bar somewhere, I might tell Lilly to go ahead and let someone else play there, as it wouldn't be fair for my to tie it up when I am hardly ever there.
I think you're best off capitalizing on busking, because there are something like 10,000 aspiring musicians in New Orleans who all want to play in a bar, and all of 'em better than you. And I doubt many of them are getting paid. They're doing it for "exposure".
ReplyDeleteBut if you busk, burn some CDs, maybe get some custom guitar picks made, etc., I think you can do quite well busking.