Last night, I went by Caseys and talked to the nice Dana, who was tending bar; and who asked me a short question.
The question was: "Gin?"
My answer was that; no, I had a cheap beer on one of the tables outside and I was just stopping by to see if Tanya and Dorise were playing that night.
They were not and I was almost relieved; because I had waited all day before having my first beer; the one which was getting warm on the table outside; and, I also felt that one more day of pondering what to play (should I be invited to) would be fortuitous.
And, so, I went and busked a bit and then pondered a lot....I Play Horrendously
I went to Bourbon Street, after a second beer, and sat across from Barnaby's.
I began to run through the list of songs that I was considering doing at Caseys tonight.
None of them seemed to click. I was struggling to entertain even myself.
I was thinking of Tanya Huangs words.
I had told her a few nights prior that I needed to switch to playing violin.
"Why?" asked she.
"Because I'm not going to give anyone goosebumps with this thing; it's just not a 'goosebump' kind of instrument..."
"I've gotten goosebumps before," said Tanya.
But then added: "...from classical..."
"But, that was a nylon string guitar like Dorises,"
Seeming to see my point, she nodded.
For whatever it is worth; I have been trying to play the most violin-like melodies which I can conjure up, lately...
It had been that same evening, we remember, that I crossed the river and found Rob, (one of the guys that I camp with) in possession of a violin. The goosebump instrument. One that "someone" had given to him, he claimed; case and all. Brand new...
He had been very protective of the instrument that night, as we remember.
After playing pretty horribly on Bourbon, but managing to get a couple dollars thrown to me; and "miraculously" finding a full Hurricane drink sitting on the perch just to my left after finishing a song, I went in search of food, and more drink.
I somehow was miraculously handed food; ate it; and then I plopped myself down across from Harrahs Casino, in front of the Pinkberry Yogurt place on Canal. The last ferry was still about an hour away from embarking.
I was working on my song called: Hubert's Trip, not really paying attention to anyone walking past; but trying to put the song into order.
An elderly woman threw me a dollar; as if she knew that I was trying to put a song together and was struggling to do so...
Then, I caught that last ferry; feeling very insecure about my music; and even wondering if I was enjoying what I do.
I lay there and stayed awake for a while.
I asked myself what I was really hoping to gain from playing at Caseys the following (to) night...
What would have to happen for me to conclude that the evening was a huge success?
Was I hoping to give Tanya goosebumps?
Was I seeking her approval; or Dorises; just hoping that one or both would say "That sounded good," so that I could notch that acheivement into my guitar strap, and tell myself that I had attained "the next level" in my artistry?
Am I hoping that she will eventually feel that nothing could ever mean more to her than the scenario of her sitting in an auditorium, surrounded by other parents, as little Tanyita walks onto the stage; her violin looking more like a cello in perspective to the size of her 5 year old body; and Tanya feeling nervous and wishing she had made her practice the piece just one more time (to make 51).
And then hearing the first few notes of J.S. Bach emanate from the violin and feeling the air pressure in the auditorium drop with the collective gasp coming from everyone in unison.
And hearing the whispers: "She's the daughter of the great Tanya Huang..."
("...and she has her fathers flair for syle...look at that hat...") LOL
I decided that no, I'm not going to be there trying to woo Tanya.
I had been taken aback by how beautiful she looked in the soft light of the bar, a week ago; and was a bit smitten by her; (I had only seen her in daylight before) but in both of our best interests; I was sure I would be able to focus upon "higher" matters.
I can certainly find an attractive Chinese girl who would have a lot less to lose by "getting with" me...Tanya is just the second one that I have had the chance to meet in my life.
The first one made my blood boil (too); but was married and had 2 kids...
And no, I wouldn't be trying to give her goosebumps.
You could say that I have given up on that (until such a time that I am able to play her favorite classical piece on a nylon stringed guitar; a very expensive nylon stringed guitar...).
As far as seeking her approval, I admitted to myself that, sure, I would like to get a "you sounded good" out of her, at least once....
I eventually came to the conclusion that I would focus upon entertaining the whole room in general; and Dana, the bartender, in particualar.
She seems like a cool person, I have gathered through our conversations; and I thought she would be a good person to direct my presentation towards. If Dana really likes my song then I am reasonably sure that the majority of the patrons will, too.
When I play on Bourbon Street, I often pretend that there is someone in the upper room of a certain house across the street, who has her window open and is laying back and listening; and is a big fan of The Grateful Dead...
I have spoken to Brian Hudson about this; and he too faces the problem of whom to sing to when there happens to be nobody there.
So, determined that I would do one of my best songs; as well as I could and try to entertain Dana, behind the bar; I drifted off to sleep....