Thursday, July 24, 2014

I'm Dying To Go: Edited

I was feeling sick and (literally) tired when I wrote this original post, which I hardly remember doing...
I had to cut a lot out of it; I still haven't really slept; but I lied down this morning and I could actually breath and didn't feel like I was drowning.....
I am dying of some kind of respiratory thing in my upper chest; I cough and I see stars and I cough until it feels like vomiting and I can't sleep; because I can't get enough air in my chest unless I stay awake and work really hard at just breathing; when I lie down I can't get enough air and when I exhale the gurgling and whistling sounds are enough to keep me awake just by themselves.
It is getting worse; I thought that it couldn't, but last night I didn't sleep. I just laid there heaving and hoeing like a rower on a boat; feeling short of breath.
I roll onto my left side and cough as hard as I can; nothing comes up; I have to bury my face so that the night crew on the boat don't hear me; and then roll on to the other side and repeat it; all the while getting no sleep. Then, I sit up and lean forward with my forehead on the ground and cough; and I might dislodge a tiny bit of something yellowish green; which tastes more metallic than sucking on a penny. All the while, cussing.
The rats are waiting for the inevitable.
The black capped night heron is waiting to pounce upon the rats as they sally forth to rip at my rotting flesh; and the alligator might be disappointed because the herons won't be by the waterside what with all the rats available to eat around my carcass.
So that is basically how it is.

I haven't busked for 4 days; and I haven't had anything to offer. When I have taken my guitar out; all I have wanted to sing was offensive or hostile things. I want to provoke people and offend them. I am drinking again, by the way.
I Will Live
If my pneumonia or hepatitis or whatever is still as bad tonight; then I think I will go to the emergency room; even though I can't stand the sight of skeezers there who are just trying to skeeze narcotics.
That is what has been keeping me from going there.

Dorise North
And, If I live, then I hope to travel along with Dorise Blackmon, (of Tanya and Dorise) to visit my family and friends in Massachusetts.
She takes an annual trip to Connecticut around this time of year; and she asked me last year; after I had told her of my failed attempt to hop a freight train headed north: "Why didn't you just ride with me?"
If I can; I will. I want to get out of here. I have pissing off a lot of people.. I went off and caused a scene in front of Brothers Market after the "Brothers Market" skeezer asked me for something.
"Yeah, sure I have a dollar...because I went out into this great big world like a man and did what I had to do to get a dollar!!...and I'll be damned if I'm just going to turn around and hand it to some weak little pussy who just stands here and begs like a dog. Be a man and get out there and do something to contribute and maybe you will have a dollar!"

Yeah...stuff like that; all weekend long. I can't remember the most of it; but it was all like that; and I think it was all geared towards me leaving here; by laying traps for myself  back here. I had better get out of town and let things blow over....


alex carter said...

You need to see a doctor, dude.

Getting away from other skeezers for a while would do you good, plus Massachusetts needs some skeeze.

Riding along with Dorise would be luxury traveling for sure, and you could probably onramp-panhandle up your share of the gas cost.

Daniel McKenna said...

Yeah, plus I barely remember writing this post; the lack of sleep plus the drinking has compounded things...

alex carter said...

I dunno if hepatitus comes on that fast, but you may have something from being around bird poop, rats, mice, turtles can carry nasty bugs and so can alligators. Plus passing cigs back and forth with the nastiest skeezers obtainable can't be good.

Daniel McKenna said...

It has crossed my mind that the rocks that I lay upon which are kind of like shale and might contain petroleum since they were probably pulled from the Gulf of Mexico; might be oozing fumes; because there is a difference when I sleep at the sign spot; but...I sleep a lot better under the dock with every skeezer being too afraid to go under because of the legendary "rats as big as your head" under there; plus the alligator...they all know that he will rip off a limb and swallow it right in front of you; ignoramuses....