Sunday, August 30, 2015

Deliciously Smooth Bourbon For The Eyes

I'm Ready To Stand Up
I have been working on my stand up comedy routine; mostly by turning the sound recorder on on my phone and recording snippets of jokes, as I think of them.
Jokes like: "I've been here 4 years and I find that the people here are generally pretty nice; unless you corner them.."
"My last paying job was as a suicide bomber. I really sucked at it, though. I couldn't blow myself up to save my life. They fired me. (In Middle Eastern dialect) "You no work! You fired! You no do job!"
"I used to live under the premise that nothing is the way it seems; but now I've discovered that is only seems to be that way..." (that one is my tribute to Steven Wright).
I can see myself doing stand up comedy relatively soon. Having watched the entire series of "Louie," a show which aired on FX, and which has one more season coming, I read somewhere (Wiki), I have been inspired, on several different levels.
One of which is, frankly, the way the audiences at his shows laughed at stuff which just wasn't sidesplitting funny, but was rather just amusing. The guy sitting and reading the Sunday comics with a bemused grin on his face would understand.
A Doo Wop Flavored Blues Type Thing
And, I have been having more comic thoughts come to me lately, along with music for them.
Today, I started on a song that's theme is: "Some pervert is probably taking a video of you on his phone right now...."
That one is going to be a doo wop flavored blues type thing....
$32.50 Saturday
I went out and played last night, after having gone to Wal-Mart on an all day bus pass, and having replaced the solar powered spotlight which some skeezer took off the lawn by the Sacred Heart Apartments, where it had been charging in yesterdays sunlight.
I walked past the discount liquor cart; working on 11 days sober.
They had fifths of Jim Beam's 90 proof whiskey. It looked so delicious behind its label....

What a handsome bottle.
And it's discount cart at Wal-Mart price was $10.
That's right; a 24 dollar M.S.V.P. bottle of 90 proof (mind you) whiskey for 10 bucks plus tax.
I had left the apartment with 44 dollars on me.
10 bucks a bottle, plus tax.
I could buy one just to take advantage of the savings, and just keep it in my kitchen cabinet for when I might have guests...sure, I would be able to offer any future guests a shot of fine bourbon....I left the apartment with 44 dollars, didn't I..?
I spent about a minute staring at the bottle, wondering how whomever the artist was who rendered the label could have succeeded so wildly in making something that is like deliciously smooth bourbon for the eyes....
Then I went and paid for the solar powered light, pleasantly surprised to be charged 7 dollars and change, rather than the $10.93 which the first one had set me back.
Then I got bananas, grape juice and fruit and vegetable energy from V8, a Campbell Soup company product.
My 44 bucks was down to 24, then I cut that down to 14 with the purchase of guitar strings at Louisiana Music Factory; walked across the street to the side of the Checkpoint Charlie bar where I tried to get a nickel of weed (the first one in a week) but wound up getting a dime, as that was the smallest amount that the tie dye wearing guy sitting and leaning against the wall would sell.
So, I started at the Lilly Pad with 4 dollars and change, after having had 54 dollars 2 days prior.
The bud has, in the past, clouded my memory a bit; making me forget a next chord occasionally; and messed with my perception of time so that I might end a song after the second verse, feeling as if I had been playing it for 5 or 6 minutes, and long enough; when I had only been playing for a minute and 25 seconds....
I was on high alert for this and only took a few small puffs of what was promised to me to be "Girl Scout Cookie" weed.
Things worked like a charm.
I played for a couple hours and made $32.50; clumps of it coming after particularly "focused" sections of music which I enjoyed myself. I'm trying to play using less effort, lately.
I knocked off around 11:45; very early for a Saturday night, but I am trying to pace myself and spread myself to things other than busking, such as composing and recording.
I would be waking up with about 34 bucks, after having consumed a turkey quarter, a can of coconut milk and some Oriental stir fry vegetables, like bamboo and baby corn and bean sprout type stuff.
Now it is Sunday evening, and I have repeated the process of buying coconut cream and bananas, because I felt better this morning than I have since about 10 days ago when I f***ed it up by eating that Styrofoam full of restaurant food that tourists gave me. That was the Sunday 13 days ago when I was drunk and scarped it down like a hungry pig.
Tonight at midnight will make 13 days without a drop of Jim Beam Devils Cut or anything else....


Alex said...

I'm about to consider standup myself. To do it you'll need some funny jokes, but you might do a lot better than with your music, which is kind of depressing. Being the standup guy who's got a guitar hanging on him and who can actually spice up the jokes with some riffs, might get you the fame you're after. There are joke writers, too.

Alex said...

I'm just getting over a really bad cold or illness or something and I think it's the trumpet playing that made this one so bad. I'm done with it, I quit.

No, not standup, although I sure had Jay Leno laffin it up when I met him.... It's back to thwe art stuff in some way shape or form. Caricatures, cartoons, signs, I dunno what, I've done it all.

I met the most amazing sign painter yesterday at a studio show and picked up or confirmed a lot of info. Guy gets a fortune for his stuff. It's gotta be better than the minimum wage dead that is electronics.