Time To Kratom Up Again

 I just used my last teaspoon of kratom during what has become my "morning cup of tea," which means it's time to go and spend about 75 bucks on another month's supply.

I think I figured out that I do about 7 grams of the stuff every morning. 

And I do mean every morning. 

This works out to about 90 cents a day for kratom..

This used to be enough to keep me off of everything else but cigarettes; the lighting of one of those becoming a knee-jerk reaction to the first sip of the green, swampy tasting liquid.

No pot, certainly no alcohol, nor any other substance was necessary to compliment the kratom induced state of mind. The kratom sipping had the effect of making me immediately get to work on something. In fact, often I would be an hour or so into doing something when I remembered that I had a glass of kratom with only a couple sips taken off of it, sitting there in front of me; so focused upon the thousand or so words that were coming out of me in a torrent was I.

A few times recently, I recalled the words that I had heard from my friend Bobby in building C, who was most likely repeating them from some Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that he attended.

He told me that I just couldn't drink. "There are some people that just can't drink," he said. For these people, a sip of alcohol puts them on the fast track to their ultimate demise.

After having messed up a few times in the past weeks; train wrecks that all began with me finding a couple cans of beer in the fridge, left over from the night before, or having decided to grab a beer at a store that I had run to "first thing in the morning" (maybe around noon) for something else that I had run out of, like nicotine.

At the conclusion of those days, after I had wantonly pissed away money on impulse purchases, with the impulses having found the guard at the gate asleep; or maybe the next morning, after finding a very trashed looking kitchen that had been spic and span just a day earlier; seeing stuff left out on the counter that should have been tossed in the refrigerator, seeing the evidence of ill-advised dietary decisions, like a creme filled chocolate cupcake wrapper, and of course the empty beer cans, here and there, and one way over there on that little table for some inexplicable reason; I had come to the same conclusion: "I just can't drink." I one of those types.

 But, now, Monday afternoon at 3 PM, it seems like now I can.

Today, I will hopefully bring the speakers to Walmart for a refund (the sub woofer box doesn't do anything; no power indicator, no "plunk" sound from the speakers when you switch it to "on" and the sound of something loose and rattling around inside when you shake the thing. It had been a "refurbished" unit, that I had gotten for $124 (normally $169) but, I was able to virtually return it online; and now I have to physically bring it to a Walmart to get $124 added back to my credit card.

Then I might get a different speaker arrangement. That one came with a soundbar plus the sub woofer box, plus two "satellite" speakers, making it just as clutter-some as the jerry-rigged setup I had slapped together, using the amplifier from one box that had a blown speaker to power the speaker in another box that has a blown amp, type of thing; spaghetti wires on the floor, distracting me an making me less creative...

Things are going at a snail's pace. I need to make a list and hang it in a prominent place. And put things like "phone" on it.

I am about to try to switch my free government "lifeline" service from the ten year old phone that isn't very smart, to the LG Aristo 3 that Bobby bought me once, but that I didn't keep the service up on.

Hopefully it will fully function as a modern phone and will have my current phone number and 350 free minutes and all that; and will work as a hotspot.

I hesitate to do it because if it doesn't work -maybe Metro PC only sells phones that have been hard-wired to only work through their network, type of thing- I don't know how long it would take to try to get a rep on the phone and explain what I had done and how it had not worked. Which phone would I call her on, if it doesn't work? type of thing...

And, so I procrastinate. I have been meaning to make that list of a bunch of things I could get done; but just haven't gotten around to making it yet, yikes...