Playing Marbles In A Chess World (revised)

 

I can't wait  until the sun comes up tomorrow; when I will go and sell my plasma and get the money and then come back here....

I will probably find a little baggie somewhere and put some white substance in it that looks like crack and then finagle a way to reveal it to the "unfortunate" people that hang around the front door of Sacred Heart, skeezing people as they come and go...

I will pull my key card out of my pocket to let myself in the door, after none of them had assisted me in doing with their own key cards, and while doing so, let the fake bag of crack (Parmesan cheese?) accidentally fall out of my pocket and land in front of them in full view...
Then, I would have the vindictive pleasure of rebuffing each of them, as they trailed  me like starving dogs following a guy holding a chunk of raw meat in his hands; reminding them that, when I had stepped outside earlier, and picked a half smoked cigarette off the ground in front of them, their response had not been to offer me a cigarette, but instead, to pull a pack out of their pockets, (just purchased out of their monthly check) and light one up and smoke it in front of me.

But, they would hound me as I walked to my apartment. At least one of them might try to force his way into my place behind me, as soon as I opened the door.
"Just give me one hit; just one hit, OK?"
"Dude, you wouldn't even give me a cigarette when you saw me scraping tobacco off the ground this morning!"

That would teach them...I suppose...

That is the frame of mind I sometimes get in when I have just sold my plasma for enough money to keep me going for a few more days.
Or after I have busked for a few hours on a given night.
Or basically, whenever I am broke. There is some Freudian stuff going on there, I would imagine. When I am broke, I am reviled by beggars. Probably because I am genuinely broke in that moment, whereas they are begging all the time.

I know that the traditional wisdom is that, to get love you have to give love, and this is counter to that. But it might also be me projecting my anger over being addicted to nicotine onto others.