Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Life Without Karrie, More Assuredly This Time


Karrie goes to court in two days. I think she is showing me mercy and looking out for my emotional well being by being very hard to live with, lately. She knows that it will be easier for me to move on and to not bother to wait for her (a life that she feels will be better for me, but is at a loss to bring about herself) if she shows her worst side to me in these final days before her court date, and makes it easier for me to get over her. I think she is an old pro at things like that.
Money Has Been Good
The money has been good, throughout these holidays. I expected a drop-off on the Monday after the holiday weekend, but, there were plenty of tourists milling about and dropping enough money in my case to pay for expenses. Karrie has had less lucrative outings, which seem to have been inversely proportional to the amounts of money that I had made with the guitar. Last night, I put in the $3 and change, which she was in want of in acquiring a fifth of whiskey. She was sitting up, drinking it, before sunrise, and then, I was treated to the sound of her stammering about how her sister used to tell her that all her husband did was sleep with her (her sister) now, and, that Karrie should give them the first baby, which she had at age 14, so that it could be raised along with another baby, which was on its way, courtesy of her husband's just sleeping with Karrie's sister, "now." Karrie's husband is due to be released from prison in 2 years, whereupon, he will be under "house arrest" for 6 years. I forgot which one of them he killed or mutilated; it's confusing...
It is a story which I have often fallen asleep to, one in series, which I have informally dubbed "The 'early teen years' stories."
Then, in a soliloquy, she expounded upon her belief that nobody wants her, ever did, nor ever would or could, and then punctuated it by saying that she was tempted to put all her stuff in her bags and "hitch-hike" somewhere. She mentioned Mexico.
This was a time when I could had said "Baby, let's get out of here, you and me. Lets hop a freight train with only our tent and our can opener, and a box of Kleenex, and just go wherever it takes us and start a new life. We are inseperable!."
I haven't said it because of some tiny voice, which I hear when I lay in the sun in the morning and clear my mind, focusing upon my breathing. Also, because I think she was prompting me for it, and I just didn't have it in me, and don't like to be prompted.
This morning, I had a biblical verse ("Behold, I stand at the door and knock") in my head as I lay there. I thought "Come on in; it's open."
Then, Karrie came out of the tent and sat down next to me and asked me if I would go and buy her a 4 pack. (I thought that Jesus drank wine...)

No comments: